Living with Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression are common things that happened nowadays. I rarely imagined how it looks like until I was diagnosed in 2018. I never expect about how terrible it looks like. There is a lot of ups and downs even I was trying to ended up myself for having with it.
As human beings, we have a lot of memories that might not be forgotten for a long time. Memories are badass if you can’t handle them well. And I was the one who couldn’t handle them well. And they were the ones who made me today.
In the middle year of 2018, I was not able to think about what I am doing. I almost not capable to do things and never been so much in suffers like it. I was thinking about whats and whys things happened. I was crying a lot and unable to talk about my feelings until I called some of my friends and she told me that I need to meet a psychologist very soon. With her offers, she helped me to find a psychologist that might fit with me.
I started to meet my psychologist in July 2018. As my first meeting with the psychologist, I was asking my friend to help to accompany me for having my first consultation. I met my psychologist. I started to explain about everything that just happened. But it was not going for a long time. I was breakdown again for the second time that took me to meet her again. She tried so many ways to heal me, to take me back on track. But I am still not able to make myself back.
As time goes by, everything seems fine until, in the early of 2019, I was almost committing suicide. Yes, suicide. It seemed very scary if you heard about suicide. I was crying a lot at that time. I almost could not feel my body, my hands, even my mind can’t stop thinking about death. I was in the office at that time. I ran to the top of the building and crying for no reason. Everything seemed so black, nor white, or even colorful. I walked to the edge of the building and ready to throw myself down. But at that time, something whispered to me that I would hurt everyone around me. I would hurt them very well. And I was thinking that I have many missions to be done. I pulled my back off from the edge with tears still running out from my eyes. I went back to my room in my office and the after I told everything to my colleagues and they recommended me to visit a psychologist. My boss told me to have an off day for almost a month. I rest very well but it wasn’t good enough. I lost my job for not being competence with projects that I was running on.
From my story above, it was not as easy as you think to deal with depression and anxiety. As my medication still running until now, many people still underestimating depression and anxiety look alike. Depression could come anytime without knocking your minds, so does with anxiety. They could take your life away if you can’t handle it. Your support system does help you too. If you don’t have one, things may get worse.
As a warrior, all we need is someone who supports us for becoming a human being. To hold our hands when things get hard. To tell us that we are worth more than we think.
But still, as a warrior, we should fight our depression and anxiety. We have to distract them with good things. If you love to travel, then go with it. If you like to read books, then do it. Do what you love. Make yourself lost with things that you loved the most. Spend your time with people you love. Do some yoga and exercise. In my experience, yoga helped me to understand myself. Listen to any podcast about self-development. Read more books about self-love.
Because people did not always stand for ourselves in the end. Imagine if they were not there to support you at the right time, you will get lost in many ways. You should understand yourself first before you ask for help from people. People may help you but they will not stand for yourself 100% times.
Asking for help is good, but to love yourself first is better because you are the one who responsible to yourself.
