My Perspective in Love, Marriage, Children, and Beyond, in Indonesian Society.

Many of these are disgusting af

Hello there, Gicch is back!

A couple years back I write something in my old blog regarding love and reproduction after I got rejected by my crush to relieve the heartbroken feeling. I was 19.

Now that I’ll reach the age old Taylor Swift once glorify in her song, my perspective do change, and so, I’ll write my updated perspective in similar matters.

Relationships and Single-Shaming Called Jones

Here in Indonesia, being in a relationship is a sign that you’re mature enough, or that someone other than your parents actually liked you. Of course that only applies for straight couples. If you’re being in a same sex relationship, they’ll judge you for being mentally ill, or just a phase, that eventually you’ll find a different-sex partner and live happily ever after.

Single-shaming game is also strong; here we have a slang Jones (pronounced Joh-ness), shortened from a longer slang Jomblo Ngenes, which roughly means A Devastating Single Person. Jomblo itself is already a humiliating form of single-shaming, so you know how bad this Jones goes.

For someone who has been single for their lifetime like me — with zillions of unrequited love experience — this has been a totally insolence insult.

One day, when I strolled the shopping mall alone, buying iced americano at that overpriced coffee shop, the security asked me where’s my partner. That question immediately triggered my inner disgust. I mean, why you asked such private question, in a public place, to a goddamn stranger???

Overly-Glorifying Marriage as the Last Resort of Life

As for marriage, recently Indonesian girls are overly obsessed with marriage. Not that I slam the idea of early marriage, but, I slammed the idea of overly romanticizing marriage in the name of religion. That you’ll be a holier person to the God when you’re married. That life after marriage will be all things bright and beautiful without hassle and yada yada yada. NOPE! Life after marriage is more challenging and can be overwhelming for those who didn’t expect the bitter truth.

When their mindset is just marriage and waiting-for-my-prince-with-white-horse, they automatically neglected their education. Because in fact, patriarchal men felt offended if they fell in love with an educated woman.

Also, POLYGAMY! They used the fact that Prophet Muhammad, PBUH, performed polygamy due to sunnah. Actually, to the best of my knowledge, as my religion studies teacher once told me in High School, that he do that as an act to help those female he married instead of marrying them for pleasure matters only. But I won’t talk about it further since I’m still a noob in Islamic fiqh studies aside from being a Muslim, sorry!

Children Matters

Back in 2015, there was a couple in Cibubur, East Jakarta, who abandoned their five children by not taking proper care of them; they’re being locked outside if caught being naughty and prohibited to come inside before able to prove themselves guilty, not being feed, prohibited to go to school and even socialize because the parents told them that “Giving a damn to other people (in this case, the neighbors) is an absolute bullshit.”

Reflecting from this case, most of people who got married didn’t realize that their inner circle pressurized them to have children. There are plenty of married couple who are obsessed to have children yet they didn’t treat their children right when they grown up. They made their children to live their failed dream even though the children didn’t want to.

Being a child to a set of parents who are obsessed with obedience — and overly-glorifying them because they claimed that they can be obedient to their parents, at first I didn’t realize that their obsession to obedience is slowly killing me until I realized that many of their views are clashing with mine and my sis’.

Oh, another important point. People are slamming couple who adopt orphans instead of ‘making’ their own. They said that adopting children isn’t as ‘precious and lovely’ as having one with the same blood. That, is also disgusting.

My Preferences?

I recently realized that I’m a feminist back in early 2016 when I was verbally abused as a part of the revenge did by my first crush ever, my first experience would be that day when I believed that it’s okay for girls to wear blue and for boys to wear pink back in elementary school.

Since then, I started to embrace my feminist self because I realized that misogynism still exists, not only did by male, but sadly, also with fellow female!

I also decided that I’ll become a childfree since I have a strong doubt that I’ll be able to embrace motherhood due to those childhood trauma and my overthinking habit.

I’m still exploring my sexuality even though I recently felt that I’m a panromantic heterosexual, so I’m not sure yet about marriage, but of course, my future partner should be open-minded, have good sense of humor to balance up my cheap ones, and don’t mind my mental health condition. I used to have target age for marriage but not anymore.

What are your views in love, marriage, and children? Go hit me in the comments if you’re interested to talk about this issue even further.



Like what you read? Give Anggita S. Kuswandi a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.