Stuck Halfway across the World

At the end of my Fall Quarter ‘17 at UCLA, I was burned out. It was arguably my worst quarter mentally and physically, but ironically one of my best quarters academically speaking. I was really confused at the result, but I knew I never wanted to live through another quarter like that again. I was constantly stressed, and I can’t even count the number of times I cried, recount what garbage I ate or explain my overall lack of energy and enthusiasm.

As my life was starting to crumble in so many aspects, I froze. For the first time, I didn’t know how to respond or deal with all these problems. I just kept accepting the shit being thrown at me. I didn’t accept a proper support system and tried seeking out the wrong support system through people that would fail me every time.

Over the quarter I dealt with an over whelming amount of issues in so many aspects of my life. I had more than my fair share of bad luck, anxiety with friends, self- seclusion, immigration problems, felt so lost in my major and had no interest in continuing with school. I remember telling my roommate one day “I can’t remember the last time I woke up happy and looking forward to my day”. By the end of the quarter, if I had a choice, I would’ve and should’ve probably taken one or two quarters away from school. However, I couldn’t do that cause of my immigration issues; UCLA had surprised me and told me it was now or never for me to change my visa status to an F-1 in order to avoid going undocumented in the upcoming summer.

So as the quarter was winding up and I was dealing with finals, I had to make a crazy decision- do I go to India alone after more than a decade to get my Visa? I mean it’s not like I really had a choice right? So within the span of a week, I filled out my application, made an emergency visa appointment and booked my tickets to go back to India. I knew there were risks with this choice- but I had to do it.

Upon landing in India, I was greeted by relatives- some of whom I had not seen since I was a little girl. Their support was overwhelming and I will be forever grateful, however I was going to be hit with another curve ball. On December 26th I had a consulate interview to get my Visa. During my interview they asked me very simple questions about my major and I thought there were no issues or red flags with my interview.

But at the end of the interview, I was slapped with a Blue 221g slip and was told my Visa application was refused and placed on administrative processing and that it was going to take at least 10+ days to get a response (sometimes up to 60 days). My flight back home was in 8 days. I tried to ask for more information before leaving the consulate, but I just got empty words and a blank stare.

I carried that blank stare with me as I went back outside and had to figure out how to explain to my relatives and my parents over the phone that “I don’t know when I am coming home”.

That rest of that day was filled with people saying; “Are you okay?” “I am sure it is just a mistake” “Everything will be okay” “Do you need anything?”. The next day everyone in my family and extended family had suddenly become an overnight expert on immigration and I was getting phone calls from people I had never even met saying, “My neighbor’s cousin had the same thing happen and he got his visa in 30 days- it is just a waiting game.” “My aunt got her’s in 15 after submitting additional documents!” “My sons got refused.”

That is when I started to panic- previously I was fine and had faith that maybe everything will get sorted out before school was going to start up again- but now I saw my future slipping away. If my visa came after Week 1 ended at UCLA, I would potentially be stopped at customs in LAX because I was entering the country too far after my start date- so not only was I worried about getting my visa, but also about getting it in time to return to school. Missing a quarter in school would set me behind in my major and what if my visa got rejected all together? How would I ever get home?

I was stuck and felt alone half way across the world.

After a few days passed and I started to get more of a grip on the situation, I began to get my act together- I started researching what companies I can intern at? How do I course plan if I miss X amount of quarters at UCLA? Or worst case- what colleges in India offered my major that I could potentially enroll at? It was definitely overwhelming and stressful, but I finally had one stark realization - I was technically HALF WAY across the world from EVERY single problem and people that had drained me during fall quarter.

So I decided it was time to have a little fun!

I made a list of everything I wanted to do in India and I embarked with family to check everything off my list one by one.

• Go to a Beach -CHECK (plus points because I got to ride a HORSE)
• Eat authentic Chettinad food — CHECK
• Get Henna all over my hands- Double CHECK
• Eat unsafe street side Chaat - CHECK (sorry dad)
• Go shopping - CHECK (also sorry dad lol)
• Eat Biryani all day everyday- Checked to the point of throwing up
• Eat Frankies- CHECK
• Go to a fancy bakery- CHECK
• Go to a temple- CHECK
• Dress up all fancy and go to an Indian party- CHECK

This doesn’t cover everything on my list, but you get the idea- most of them had to do with food.

During my trip, I learned what it felt like to not wake up to 50 messages from frantic peers trying to prep for some on campus event, or have a million assignments due etc. I even asked most of my friends to stop snap chatting me from LA, because it made me miss home and quite frankly I wanted to try to enjoy my time in India.

About two weeks after my visa interview my aunt took me to a temple in India that is known for granting people’s wishes and once your wish is granted you return to the temple and complete 108 rounds as appreciation and to give thanks for the lord granting your wish.

I went and as you may have guessed, I wished for my Visa to come through as soon as possible and I did my 108 rounds that day itself, before I even got my Visa.

That night after returning from the temple, I had a massive breakdown that was triggered by a simple question from my Grandma.

“Your mom told me you didn’t really talk to her before making the decision to come to India- is that true?” and just like that I broke down and felt the weight of being away from home.

It was such a bad breakdown that my Aunt freaked out and sent me to another cousin’s home the next day, because she felt I would have more fun and be able to explore and relax better with her.

So I went. I kept to myself for most of that day and I remember I took a nap cause I had not slept well the night prior. After I woke up I felt my phone buzz- so I checked my email.

‘Your passport has been collected from the US EMBASSY and is en route to your pickup location’

My heart started racing and I had no idea what this meant- did this mean my visa was issued or were they just returning my passport? So I frantically logged onto my visa portal and saw in big blue letters;

“ISSUED”

I don’t think I have ever felt such a great amount of relief. I remember calling everyone and telling them I am coming home- and it was the greatest feeling ever. I was extremely lucky my admin. processing was on the shorter end of the processing time range. Within a few days I had booked my tickets to come back to UCLA.

I had already missed out on a bit of school and I was starting to feel scared. Upon return, I realized I needed to give myself a break and not push myself this upcoming quarter. So I impulsively decided to take a quarter off from every club/organization I was in, take a break from every exec position I had and decided to only take 3 classes. Let me tell you it has been the best decision of my life.

I no longer skip meals, feel nauseous, have restless nights, run back to the apartment just to frantically run back to campus for some board meeting, or have to Skype in for calls, email admin, reserve rooms, worry about club attendance, fundraisers and the list went on and on…

I am finally allowed to worry about myself- and I am liking the feeling of it.

These are goals for myself this quarter:

• Be Vegetarian
• Start the photo blog that I have been saying I would start for over a year (I promise it is in the works!)
• Write for myself
• Gym
• Maybe find a job?
• Adventure way more!

I hope this quarter goes well and without too many bumps. I will probably write about my quarter once it finishes and post it here as well. So let’s hope it is a fun read.

I am SO glad to be back home and to be surrounded by my friends and family again! I am even glad to be a slight mess of a college student, who is stuck at UCLA.