Click Here To Laugh Out Loud (Funny Short Story)
Grandpa Ottis is leaving town for New York to attend an influencer conference for content creators 55 and up. Just before leaving, he informs his older grandson Patrick that he is in charge and gives him a set of instructions to obey.
“Look, Patrick, I have some ground rules for you to follow while I’m away. You must adhere to them. Otherwise, I guarantee that I will break every bone in your body.”
Patrick Laughs
“Grandpa, aren't you too old to be an influencer let alone trying to fight someone at the age of 70.”
Grandpa Ottis
“And you’re far too young to be napping, yet you don’t see me kicking you in the balls for it. Oops, I meant pebbles. And don’t be fooled by my age; I’ll punch you so hard that you’ll start speaking in another language!”
Patrick Laughs
“Whatever Grandpa, what are the rules.”
Grandpa Ottis, with his old tone of voice
“Okay, Youngman! Three ground rules must be obeyed.
The very first rule. Do not, I repeat. Please do not invite anyone into my home. Especially those ugly kids you’ve been hanging out with. I don’t want ugliness to leak into the air by accident; I might catch something and croak as a result. The second rule is: Under no circumstances should more than one appliance be turned on!
Patrick ask
“Why Grandpa?”
“Boy, Simply follow my instructions and refrain from asking questions! That’s the issue with you kids: you don’t listen. “You have a shorter attention span than a sloth.” Tok-Tic and Tube You are to blame.”
Patrick
“It’s Tik-Tok and YouTube Grandpa,” he says. And are you certain you’ll be attending an Influencer Conference? I don’t know Grandpa, but you worry me sometimes because you’re so darn cranky; you need your pills.”
Grandpa Ottis,
You know what you need Pat?
What's that Grandpa Ottis?
Medication!
Patrick replies
Grandpa, I do listen, and I don’t need medication.
Yes, you do. I'll prove it! When was the last time you took out the garbage?
I was going to take it out when I finished my task.
Grandpa Ottis
When was the last time you clean your room?
I was just getting to that Grandpa
Grandpa Ottis
When was the last time you did your taxes, Patrick?
I have plenty of time for that.
Grandpa Ottis Shake his head
Look at how slow you are at taking care of things. You appear to be the one who requires medication.
Patrick
Grandpa, I don't need meds.
Grandpa Ottis
Your right, you need a miracle, nothing on this earth can help react faster.
Patrick does the exact opposite of what Grandpa warned him not to do when he departed. and plans a house party. There was drinking and loud music present. Furthermore, everything in the house is in use, including the appliances.
Patrick yells out
Guys, let’s go skinny dipping in the lake!!!
Everyone at the party heads to the lake to swim and play. Grandpa Ottis texts Patrick when he is swimming thirty minutes later. He swam to the lake’s edge, where his phone was, and read the text.
Texted
Patrick, do you see a grey bucket with meat inside of it?
Patrick Texted back
Yea, I see it, Grandpa
Grandpa Ottis replies
I failed to mention rule number three. I need you to take that bucket and feed my gators, so don’t go into the lake.
EVERYBODY GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!
