While I Wait

I’ve always thought
and used to tell myself this when I was younger
Before I fell in love for the first time — 
That I am too special
too loving
too beautiful
to find someone
who will love me the way that I deserve 
and need 
And now, this is my 4th time being in love 
and I’m sure that this will ruin me 
My heart aches everyday 
I am lonely and empty 
I’ve given all my love and warmth away
to men who loved me back but not deeply enough 
I’m a hollow doll swirling around New York City
Going where the men go
trying to find a new one 
who might know exactly what to do
with a heart like mine

I imagine myself spinning around The Met not blinking
So I won’t miss my knight in shining armor
(He’s looking at Sumerian pottery)

When I open up to him 
I want him to tell me to forget all the other silly boys names
and only to remember his
I can’t wait to hear it
to whisper it
to moan it
to know it.

And one day, I’ll be on stage and he’ll be in the crowd 
and I’ll forget my line and lock eyes with him and 15 
slow
wet
warm
delicious minutes will pass
I want to hum through those minutes
We’re caught in a deep deep pool of warm honey
 — stuck together 
My tee shirt is caught on a honey comb 
He has plenty of time to try and figure my heart out while we wait for help to come

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