The pain that never goes away

When my only child moved and did not tell me I thought I would never be able to catch my breath. She had pushed me away before without any warning and come back saying she was sorry she had done that. But this time it felt final. I have had to accept it and try to move on through the most difficult loss of my life, so I thought. I WAS WRONG!

She has now had a child whom I will never get to see or know. My grandchild! I do not know how I can love this child so much never having seen him. I can not explain the depths of loss and despair knowing this child will grow up thinking I did not care.

I do not know what will be told to this child one day. Will they lie and say I was dead. Just how will they explain my absence.

What, as a parent, could I have done that was so terrible as to cause this situation? What ever the cause it can not be worse than being a parent who withholds the love of a grandparent from their child.