In the past 6 months that I’ve been in SF, I’ve overheard a thing or two that really hits this town’s tone.

Please enjoy this collection as a tribute to this absurdly talented, progressive and uplifting city.

“Did you hear about the camp at BurningMan with Soylent snow cones?”

“Did my investor text me back? I’m so pissed”

“Can I trade you adderall for ashwaganda?”

“I love San Francisco! We party so healthy here”.

“Thinking ten years down the line, in the internet of things- like, your washing machine could be a corporation, and it could contract out your soap…”

“I can’t make it to your gluten-free pasta party, I have a robotics competition to go to”

“Your words felt like a warm blanket amongst the cold world of startups”

“I’m ordering E24. Do you want any thai food to go with your pizza?”

“This better not be fucking Salesforce.”

“We’ve come up with this thing, it’s called speculative prosititution. Basically, it’s $2000 a night, or 1% of all future earnings”

“Is this a bar or a barber shop? We’re on 18th and mission”

“What’s the problem? Do you have adventure distraction disorder?”

“That’s old paradigm statistics. I’m talking about new age statistics”.

“Fuck, I spilled phenylpiracetam all over my bed. Maybe I’ll get smarter in my sleep”.

“….before she was ostracized and forced to move to El Salvador and start a microbrewery”.

“..even the alcohol has chia seeds in it here.”

“My whole life is on Evernote”.

“Wait, is that quinoa liquor?”

“Yeah, he wrote me a poem! It’s called ‘You’re dating my wife and that’s ok’”

“Hold on! I’m in a serious, committed relationship — I don’t take molly without my boyfriend.”

“What if you could tailor your Tindr profile based on who’s seeing it? Like targeted Tindering”

“I surfed the most user friendly wave the other day”

“Stop, we have to go to bed. I have a job cos I’m employed in a capitalist society.”

“It was nice to meet you at the meditation meet up, I’m sorry we didn’t get to drink synthetic milk together”.

“ Excuse me, why is there rotten Soylent on our porch?”

If you’d like to contribute to this cherished bundle, tweet to me @sun_salutations or e-mail me at simonamarie dot com.

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