Love and Marriage — Natural for Some, Desperate for the Others

Sungmy Kim
May 17, 2017 · 3 min read

My graduate school friend got married on the last March. It was the first time I was invited to the marriage of a non-Korean friend, but also it brought the biggest love to me. I met her spouse once before their marriage, but I thought they are a very cute couple. Since then, I’ve been able to know how much my friend loves her.

When I received an invitation, when I met the couple at the wedding party, and when I see their wedding photos later, my feelings were so emotional. (almost like a mom) “They are so beautiful”, “my friend looks so happy and I am happy too”. I even dropped a tear during their wedding ceremony. Then I realized something. Have I ever been so happy about someone’s marriage like now?

Marriage became a not-that-beautiful-thing these days. It becomes a life task when a couple reaches a socially consensual age, or when they see each other for a long time. Its process is also complicated. People compare the each others’ background and financial status, and they trade some goods. It’s hard to get married without a proper deal. Sometimes the marriage is not delightful due to the reasons related to the trade. Maybe that’s why my reaction was like, “Oh, she’s getting married to him. That’s good,” Oh, finally she is getting married” when I heard the marriage of Korean friends. They have been working on it, and eventually, they stepped on.

The marriage system has built for the loving relationship to be treated like a family by law. But the attitude towards marriage is not as innocent as its intention. The marriage system is granted for heterosexuals, but it is a privilege for homosexuals. We, as heterosexuals, don’t even realize it’s a privilege if it’s given from the beginning. We think it’s a natural right and we have to enjoy it, so sometimes it’s okay to abuse it. I think the current attitude towards marriage is abuse.

My friend is a homosexual. Because of the legalization of same-sex marriage, she is able to stay together with her wife for a long time. I am so grateful for the legal support to her. I’m so glad she got the same privilege like mine. As if I get a visa with my husband and live with him and get healthcare benefit in this country, my friend is now able to get along with her spouse and share a lot of parts. Why haven’t we protected them so long? The people who are in the countries that gay marriage is still illegal might be hurt and be separated. We just don’t know as a heterosexual.

If we go beyond, I think the social pressure for heterosexuals to have a child happens because their marriage is a combination of biological man and woman. What about a gay couple? Their marriage might be less affected by their age-reproductivity- or by the kid that already born from their biological parents. I believe same-sex marriage is the real symbol of love between two people. (Please, marriage and being a parent is a separate thing.)

Today is International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia & Biphobia. Thanks Andrea for giving lots of emotions and learning. Love you so much. #Idahot #LGBT

Sungmy Kim

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Experience designer and design strategist, active in New York |