I turned 27 on May 5, 2017. Ideally like all birthdays, this should bring parties along but rather it hit me with a lot of mixed, complicated thoughts about my future. And here I am, with an old monk and a biri (stop judging now, I borrowed it as I normally do not keep cigarettes with me), thinking about last few years and confused about my future.

I have been doing great in my life. I have grown 4x in my profession in just 4 years of my career. I rose to the position of a product lead and I have already tasted entrepreneurship by starting a company and seeing it going through a complete business cycle. I own a car and I do crazy trips: complete adventure. I do everything I wish to and have already done everything a boy of my age could have done, even more in many senses.

Then what is it which is ruining my b’day? What is it which is making me sad on a day which apparently should bring joy, which has been making me sad despite all the smile on my face?

It has been 6 months since I last talked to her, 5 months since she got married and 2 months since I know that. That’s true, I planned all my future, all my dreams assuming Dibu by my side and since now she is my impotent love, everything is falling apart.

I know love for a married woman makes you sick and it should but that can not be the only reason of my thoughts going haywire given that I have already stopped fighting my feelings for her and adapted myself to accept and live with it.

Then, is this a norm with boys of my age or is there something fundamentally wrong with my life so far? I am afraid of going into depression with all these thoughts of mine but I can not be a loser. I can not let my four years affect the rest of my life but what if my confusions have nothing to do with past 4 years?

To be contn…