I Warned You

D-Day (doctor-day) is coming.

Six days until I head back for my annual bloodwork. Six short days until I test to see how my fight against pre-diabetes is going.

And my negative voice was being a total bitch, comparing this year to last.

You are at the top of your healthy weight range. Don’t forget the two months you spent mostly on your ass after you discovered Medium. Remember all those binges at the end of the school year? You only have six days…nothing you do now matters.

What?! Hold the phone. Nothing I do now matters?!

It was then I woke up and told my negative voice to shut the hell up.

It all matters. It’s not just about one A1C reading on August 3rd, it’s about my life. I truly believe that every healthy choice counts in the grand scheme of things, and if I hadn’t allowed the adrenaline to take over, I would have remembered that, and also…

I make a LOT of healthy choices.

So, even if I wasn’t worrying over nothing, my numbers do suck and my doc wants to put me on meds., I’ll do what I did last time…I’ll ask for another three months to prove what I can do.

And, he’ll likely give it to me, because he knows how determined I am.

Not the end of the world.

So far, moderation has worked for me. It’s possible I’ve haven’t been moderate enough this time, and that’s okay. I know I can make tougher choices if I have to.

I sometimes have to remind myself that I love my doctor, and trust him completely. That I don’t need to be afraid to see him. I know that allowing myself to stress about it is not going to help anything, and that it even has the potential to make matters worse.

So I’m giving that up. Cold Turkey.

I won’t bore you now with my plan for the next six days…it’s coming up later.

I warned you.