Party Time!

Naturally, the invite went out well in advance, Sherry Caris. By text (and yes, even when I text, I am careful to punctuate and capitalize):

Hey friends,

I think I might want to have a little get together at 1:00 on Saturday, May 14th. (Hopefully the weather will cooperate!) I know how busy you all are. I understand if you can’t make it. Just let me know.

OMG! I can’t believe I hit send! I committed myself to probably having a party! A party?! Do I even like parties? But it’s such a pretty time of year, and the yard looks so nice. And these are my friends. I deserve to have friends, don’t I? Besides, I’ve got six weeks to get ready. I can do this!

I probably better feed them. OMG! What am I going to feed them? I could have thirty people, or I could end up with two. What if they all come? What if nobody comes!? I’m going to be so embarassed! I’ll have pulled pork. I can make a shitload and keep it in the crockpot. It freezes well if nobody shows up. Maybe it would be better if nobody showed up. And baked beans. Easy, and almost kind of healthy. And ten kinds of chips. I can make pasta salad. Oh, and kale salad. Yum. I love the stuff, and if nobody eats it, I will! I’ll make those brownies with the caramel. Most people love brownies. And, I’ll get stuff for s’mores. But, if Insideout is gone (INTP!), who will keep the fire going?

Four weeks out…OMG! I’m having a party! So much to do still! What if everybody comes? What if it rains? My house is only 1100 square feet WITH the basement. I can’t fit all those people in the house! It just can’t rain!

Three weeks out…OMG! Still so much to do! I need to clean all the closets and drawers and the crack between the counter and stove!

Two weeks out…OMG! Still so much to do! Why am I having a party? Parties suck. What about drinks? Coffee and hot chocolate, just in case it’s cold? Wine, beer, lemonade. That should be enough…these guys will all bring their own anyway.

One week out…Phew! Grocery shopping done! It only took seven hours and $500.

Night before party…OMG! Still so much to do. I have to get the pulled pork ready, make sure I wash all the towels so only the best, matching ones will be out for the party. And then dust every surface, and sweep the whole house. I need to be done with all of that so I can sleep, or I won’t have enough energy when everybody is here. OMG! I’m having a party! I wish I knew how many people were coming. But they are all so much like me, I’m not surprised they can’t commit.

Day of the party…OMG! Still so much to do! Would you look at the rust on the shower curtain liner!? I knew I forgot to buy something. And the windowsills! And look at the dust on the blinds in the kitchen! But I need to get outside, and clean the patio tables! Would you look at all those weeds! I’ve got to at least pull those!

Thirty minutes before party time, I’m still weeding…Daisy arrives early, because she wants to beat the crowd.

Party time…nobody else shows up. Daisy and I walk around the garden, talk about life and the latest Eckhart Tolle book, eat pulled pork and kale salad. It’s a lovely day. I send her home with leftovers and plants, then sit in my nice clean house and eat a half a pan of brownies because nobody came to my party. They are delicious.

At least I don’t have to go grocery shopping for a while.