The Late Great Social Experiment

My first experience with social networking was on SparkPeople, a free health and fitness site. It was through SP, and the wonderful people I met there, that I got myself moving, and finally developed a healthy relationship with food.

But that’s not what this is about at all.

Shortly after I joined SparkPeople, I met and grew attached to a woman named JC. We were the same age, had similar goals, and cheered each other on. I admired her intelligence and valued our interactions. But, after a couple of years, she simply disappeared. I missed her terribly.

Live and learn, I guess.

I was thrilled when, one day out of the blue, she left me a message that said she had been hanging out on Facebook, that she’d love if I “looked her up” there. I had recently joined Facebook myself, so I “friended” her, happily.

A while back, JC created a private Facebook group. As an experiment she selected twenty-something of her “funniest, most interesting” online friends (can you believe I actually made the cut?!), and pulled us into her group.

Without asking.

I came home from a trip to Chicago, and suddenly found myself with hundreds of notifications from a bunch of people I didn’t know!

We were all within the same ten-year age range, but that’s where the similarities ended. We were spread all over the U.S., and from various backgrounds and socioeconomic groups. A cop, an actor, a bus driver, a couple of lawyers, a coder, an executive secretary, a paralegal, and a self-proclaimed life-coach (also known as one of the few people ever to block me, but that’s another story). One of the guys worked in IT, but had given up his job to care for his dying wife. One of the women owned a food truck with her husband. There were several more who opted not to participate.

And, then there was me.

At first we chatted about superficial topics, like our favorite music, pet peeves, and pets. But, all too soon, we were sharing our hopes, dreams, and troubles. There was much verbal sparring, and lots of banter.

I love banter.

Eventually, JC and Insideout “met”, clicked, and (with my okay, which was sweet of both of them to consider) he was welcomed into the group, as well.

I think those people knew me better than my actual friends and family did at the time.

It was not unlike the tribes that exist here on Medium.

Then, after a couple years of constant interaction, the women of the group decided it was time to meet in person. They were getting together at JC’s place in Austin, and even though I really wanted to go (and even though they were willing to crowdfund my airfare), I just couldn’t do it.

You know, that social anxiety thing.

Anyway, I spent the entire weekend on FB, eagerly awaiting the posts and pictures they shared. I was so excited for all of them!

After that weekend, though, things were tense. The next thing I knew, the girls’ group that was created to organize the trip, was shut down. A couple of them left JC’s group, and another group was started…without her. All they would say, when I asked what happened, was there had been a “disconnect.”

And, that was the beginning of the end.

The group still exists, but it’s never been quite the same. A few of the original members are still my FB friends, people I continue to care a great deal about, but many of the others have simply drifted away.

Ron’s wife died, and he eventually disappeared, though we did hear he remarried. He’s, frankly, the one I miss the most. He was smart and funny and kind. He loved words, and he made me think. His absence created a void that remains, even today, a couple years later. I think he’d be happy to hear I’m writing again.

Rarely do any of us go into that private place anymore. Every once in a while, when Insideout gets excited or annoyed about something, he’ll shout out to the group. And, occasionally, on a holiday, someone will make a post. But that’s pretty much it.

Something happened when they met in person, when reality (humanity?) set in, and we went from being a daily part of each other’s lives, to barely connecting.

That’s really sad.

JC invited me into another group a while back…I declined.

Let’s just say I’m guarding my heart a little more carefully these days.

♪♫ There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart ♫♪

(Lyrics by Bonnie Tyler)