Selfies

Self-reliant, self-assured, self-confident

Sunshine Joe
Aug 27, 2017 · 3 min read
Me. Me. Me. (Credit: Me)

You wouldn’t know this based on grams and snaps, but I am actually camera shy.

You would know this based on any and all scrapbooks and photo albums I have in my house. I probably have about 20 or so. Because I do come from a time — a looooooong ago time — when people printed out photos and put them into these sticky book things and put those book things on shelves in their homes.

I was looking at my daughter’s first baby book the other day, which is pretty thick since she’s the oldest, and I noticed there’s only about 3 pictures of me in there.

Me. The Mom.

Granted, I was the person taking most of the photos. But I was also trying really hard during this time to stay away from the camera. I don’t like having my picture taken. I’m not naturally photogenic. And I was dealing with baby weight and boob milk.

But it wasn’t just that book. It was all the others, as well. I’m hardly in my son’s albums. Blink and you’ll miss me in any vacation albums. You name it. It’s like I didn’t exist.

When I divorced in my early thirties, the rise of camera phones and social media were starting to take over the photo album/scrapbook necessity. Now all our family photos and vacation pics are on display for friends and strangers alike (depending on your settings).

It was also around this time that I started feeling better about myself.

I was lighter, both physically and emotionally. I was getting away from the things and people that pulled me low to the ground and were making me feel like I didn’t deserve to be the star player of my own life. I was shedding the guilt of not being the perfect daughter, wife, mother, and just learning how to be ME.

And what did that look like?

I think she looks better. I think most people look better as they get older.

We start to settle into our skins. We either soften or harden around the edges — depending on what we need. We gain new angles and new curves. Childhood dimples turn into serious lines — lines that suddenly mean business, and lines that show humor at the same time.

We learn what works. What looks good on us. What colors suit us best. We find the people who suit us best. The ones who lighten the weights on our shoulders. The ones who make our eyes sparkle and our cheeks blush.

Our bodies really start to tell us what we need. And for once, we’re intelligent enough to listen. You don’t want milk anymore, unfaithful stomach? Fine. I’ll just have soy. Oh. That’s not good either? Great. I’ll just have a thinner waist I suppose.

Ohhhhhh. I look good.

Since turning 40, I’ve started taking ALL the selfies. And posting them. For two reasons: 1) I honestly think I look better now than I’ve ever looked in my life. And 2), I don’t want to look back in 20 or so years and wonder where I was.

I’m not hiding anymore.

But, like most everything in life, it still isn’t easy. The other night’s oh-so-casual, “tired”, end-of-the-workweek Instagram selfie took about 1000 tries.

More of Me (Credit: Me)

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Thanks for reading :)

Find more of my work at http://www.scarymommy.com/author/sunshine-joe/

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Sunshine Joe

Written by

Rated PG-13 Mom with self-diagnosed hypochondria; occasional Illustrator; Writer of sci-fi & bad poetry; Project Manager during the workday

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