The Rest of My Life
When people used to ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up, what I wanted to do when I graduated high school and I literally thought I had the greatest answer ever.. “ I want to be a teacher” and I would leave it at that. That has been my vision but somewhere in that journey I took another road that lead me to where I am now. I grew up with a very strict parent that I wouldn’t appreciate until I grew up and became a successful woman in America, where racism and other intolerable things are rearing their ugly heads back into my everyday life. When I got to college it was a very different atmosphere and I felt very alone the first couple days; some of you may know the experience. For those of you that may not, if you did not attend college with your high school friends, you were lonely until you decided that you wanted “new friends.” That brings me to the point that I had the rest of my life planned out- or so I thought I did. In the time from high school to adult hood there were a few major things that I learned for the rest of my life:
- I graduated from my University and received a Bachelor’s degree in a complete different subject area than I went for.
- I had a sexual orientation change that changed my life tremendously. I learned that it was okay (not accepted by all) to have the feelings I had for another female. It was okay (not accepted by all) to walk down the busy city street and hold her hand and give appropriate P.D.A.
- It was not okay for a man to put his hands on a female and for my friend to accept it as “love”. THAT IS NOT LOVE!!!! Knowing my friend (best friend today) was strong enough to get through it was one of the greatest moments that I was very proud to call her my friend.
- It is okay to be versatile in your career and choose when you want to stop doing something because you just don’t want to do it anymore.
- It is okay and very possible to be attracted to someone who is younger than you a long as you are happy with them. Age is nothing but a number and just because you are 21 and over doesn’t make you an adult. No matter what actions speak louder then words so when that person thinks that you are the one attracted to them, it could be true but believe me you wouldn’t feel that way if they were reciprocating it to you as well.
Many things in my life I do not understand why the events have taken place the way that they have. I am not to understand at this time- when its time understanding will come. I am very grateful for my life experiences and thank everyone who has been on this journey with me. I am afraid of the rest of my life, I am afraid to fail, afraid to not be a good mom, afraid of disappointing my spouse, among other things. In my life now, I am afraid all of my friends will marry and have children and I will be the only one without. I am afraid I will attend many weddings but never having one of my own. These are things that I may be afraid of, but they are not impossible and I believe in the impossible. So here goes the rest of my life…
I love you already because we were made for each other. Just know my attitude is RIDICULOUS! Hopefully by now I would have given away all of my petty ways and you have me at one of the best moments of my life. I am sure that I have much more to say, but for now I thank you and God for sending such a wonderful person my way. So for now, the rest of my life looks really good because I get to spend it with you!