I feel for you. All I can think when I hear your story is — Welcome to the patriarchy. It’s not the martini-drinking club women thought it was. It actually sucks. It’s full of outward accumulation with tremendous inward isolation. Yours is the burden men have silently been carrying for generations.
My advice would be to get back in touch with your feelings, body, and your heart and soul, the great strong points of the Goddess that feminism dumped in the trash in pursuit of the ego and material world. Open yourself to people who value relational energy and not comparative, hierarchical structures or dogma. Those will be the people you can count on in the future. You have painfully learned we are not islands. It gets us nowhere. But, it brings me joy to hear your awareness where others busy themselves or pop pills to numb letting it in.
Midlife is the time we begin to realize the society does not always have our best interests in mind, or maybe never actually cared about us at all. But you can take charge now, you’ve earned it.