Balancing Criticism & Validation
Criticism and validation are like siblings who cannot tolerate one another but need them around to stay strong.
Regardless of how much we try to ignore the instinct of seeking validation, in the end, we all feel stuck in this loop. Someone appreciating or siding with our opinion, action, and thoughts leads to our brain releasing dopamine. We become attracted to that feeling and hustle hard in order to taste it again. It is just like gambling. You keep winning and feel excited until the losing streak starts. The opposite happens with criticism. Our morale steeps down to the ground, and some of us eventually quit. It is because sometimes the heart and mind are not ready to hear the cons after putting in so much hard work. Hence, we must realize their significance and how much of that we should imply to ourselves. One who understands that becomes capable of judging the affairs correctly. Thus, we will talk about measuring criticism and validation in a way that will push you to better growth.
Our hunger to get people’s approval comes when we have given our 100% to a project. We give it all to achieve a perfect score of 10, but the judging panel marks us 8. This situation fits from workplaces to relationships. There are two ways to go from here.
A) You get offended by how you didn’t get what you deserved.
B) You leave space to evolve and take help to fix issues stopping you from achieving 10.
Your inner security with respect to your own work decides whether your reaction is going to be A or B. Someone who is confident in his deed is never desperate to hear other people clap for him. Instead, he is looking for new ways to make himself better. You can bake the best cookies in the world and still beat yourself up about how people will react. On the other hand, you can bake okayish cookies and still be fulfilled because you are enjoying the process and learning to grow.
Therefore, the first step is not to let your insecurities and fears hinder you from becoming a better version of yourself. Be vulnerable and unpretentious about it so you can defeat them once and for all.
“How can a man become rich if he doesn’t accept he is poor?”
Similarly,
“How can you defeat your demons if you refuse to see them?”
Below are a few pointers to help you navigate people’s opinions. It will assist you in learning what part of their comment you should listen to, act on, or ignore.
Analyze Yourself Beforehand.
Wouldn’t it be foolish to go to war (hypothetical. Of course.) without considering all the possible strategies your opposition party shall apply? Similarly, before someone can come to you with their harsh opinion, be ready to face it. List out every positive and negative remark someone can say about you or your work. That way, it won’t be news to you, and you’d be ready with your comeback. Moreover, it will confirm whether you are thinking in the right direction. You will get answers to whether people notice the same things as you do. Did they include a new piece of information that you couldn’t catch yourself? Should you look deep into their advice for a better outcome? Thus, give yourself honest feedback before expecting it from others.
Be More Accepting Of All Judgments.
Having brutally honest people around is faaaar better than having yes-mans. They will call you out on your bullshit and ensure that you follow the right path. It is only possible if you are more accepting of their opinions. You might totally disagree with them, and that’s okay. But you have to respect them for being honest with you. That way, they could share their naked thoughts with you without hesitation. Ultimately, it will benefit you, be it long-term or short.
Do Not Let Validation Or Praise Get To Your Head.
Hearing appreciation about ourselves has to be one of the best feelings in the world. However, it can be a trouble if you are not clever with how to handle it. The best method is to stay grateful and grounded. Do not let those sweet words make you a person with a superiority complex. Remember your actions that lead people to think nicely of you and keep doing it. Acting arrogant or proudy would make them push away from you. Instead, try to return the compliment, as that will grow your bond stronger.
No Need To Take The Words Literally.
Avoid taking things to heart. We all have those people in our lives who are very rude with the way they put their assessments. It could be your parents, teacher, boss, colleague, partner, etc. In these cases, it is necessary for the receiver to catch the intent of their statements. They might be using the wrong words, but if the meaning behind is valuable, then it is better to give them a pass. You can have a talk with them about how you’d appreciate it if they could say things more politely. If not, then learn to develop a thick skin and grasp the part that you can use to climb the success ladder.
Examine Those Feedbacks.
In India, we have this famous phrase, “Suno sabki, karo man ki.” It means that listen to everyone but obey your own conscience. The more you talk to people, the more opinions you will have on your table. It will be a perfect mixture of validations and criticisms. After you have had your discussion with everyone, it is your job to evaluate those conversations and keep the part that resonates with you. If you find a few bits of advice that will assist you in improving your work, then go with it. However, if you come across suggestions that might not work for you, feel free to ignore them. What’s important is to respect the person who gave it to you. They might have failed to help you currently, but their honesty will definitely support you in the future.
