How to incorporate gratitude in to your daily life, make yourself and others happy and increase your GQ or Gratitude Quotient

Suresh Nair
Jul 21, 2017 · 7 min read

Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life.”

Bob Emmons

Gratitude as an emotion is getting a lot of attention in the self improvement field. There are many aspects to gratitude, many ways of expressing and cultivating it. Gratitude can be practised in our relationships with the outside world, with strangers, friends, colleagues and family. It can also be a silent, humble prayer to the universe for all that we are and have.

Gratitude to those who serve you, those who make your lives easier.

There are many such people we keep coming across in our daily lives. The domestic help who does routine chores, the guy who delivers milk, the mechanic who repairs our car, the waiter who serves us, the clerk at the checkout counter, the laundry man who irons our dresses, the conductor who gives us tickets- there are the men and women who facilitate the course of our daily lives.

Do we anytime pause to thank them? Of course, it can be argued that they are just doing their duty and getting paid for it. While this is true and logical, there are selfish reasons why it would benefit us to thank them sincerely at least once in a while.

Photo by Jessie Pearl https://www.flickr.com/photos/terwilliger911/3910724771

There are benefits to both sides.

a) the one who receives our gratitude

I have a friend who smiles brightly and shakes hands with watchmen, waiters etc. and even pats sales assistants who go out of their way to give good service, asking and then thanking them by their name. How do you think those people at the receiving end would feel? Imagine them engaged in a thankless task day in and day out. Such gestures of appreciation by words and deeds are so rare that it would bring a glow to their face that would last them throughout the day. In fact, normally, people are quick to catch them and talk rudely if they make the slightest mistake, if they are delayed due to no fault of theirs.

It costs nothing and takes so little to notice and appreciate. Yet, why aren’t many of us doing it? The issue is that our dealings with the people who serve us are seen in terms of the services they provide, a tool to meet our goals. However, they are not just the services they provide, they are people like you and me. They too crave recognition as people, appreciation for a job well done.

b) We who express gratitude

‘A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses.’

-Chinese proverb

Gratitude within the family

There is plenty of scope for expressions of gratitude within the family. Let’s say your spouse has prepared your favourite dish. Or, your husband has brought you a nice dress even though there is no special occasion. Your father has brought a cake for your birthday. These are not to be missed opportunities to wholeheartedly express your love and appreciation.

As we consciously look for opportunities to convey our gratitude for activities that we otherwise take for granted, we start to notice and appreciate more and more. The efforts your wife takes to keep the house neat and clean, your mother managing to cook wholesome meals with whatever is available in the fridge, your husband scrupulously keeping track and paying all the bills on time, your son reducing his online activity and spending more time on studies? The snowball effect takes over and there is greater happiness all around.

I have a desire to do something in return. To do thanks. To give thanks. Give things. Give thoughts. Give love. So gratitude becomes the gift, creating a cycle of giving and receiving, the endless waterfall. Filling up and spilling over… perhaps not even to the giver but to someone else, to whoever crosses one’s path. It is the simple passing on of the gift.

Elizabeth Bartlett

Gratitude for the universe

Beginning with gratitude for strangers to friends to family, there is another level of gratitude, for existence, for God, or for the Universe. This is more like an attitude of gratefulness that comes with a certain realization. Normally, we think that we create ourselves and that we can do whatever we want with our lives. We assume a sense of entitlement and think that we are completely responsible for all the good things that happen in our lives. We think we have earned it and deserve it. The food, the clothes, the job, the comforts. Bart Simpson was asked to say grace in a scene from The Simpsons. He said, “Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.”

From one perspective, he is right. However, in the broader picture, there is an entire system that ensures that we have food on our table beginning with the farmers, the traders, the transporters, the markets, retailers and so on. A person with a grateful attitude understands that a lot of good things happen independently of his actions. He is humble, fully accepting that he or she has reached where he is because of the contributions of many others. Right from people who have passed away long ago to parents, friends, family, strangers have contributed, if we think deeply, to make our lives smoother and freer, and more comfortable. It is staggering to even think of the sheer numbers and efforts involved. We have no choice but to bow in gratitude for who we are and where we are in life.

Cultivating gratitude

So, how do we go about being grateful? This is not the right question because gratitude is natural. We don’t harm someone who has done some good for us. The really ungrateful person is scarce and is most likely to be antisocial.

The more relevant question is how we increase our GQ or Gratitude Quotient. Just like IQ or EQ, most of us are born with a certain level of GQ but all of us have the possibility of increasing our GQ and reaping the benefits. A common advice that is given is to maintain a gratitude journal and write 5 or 10 things that you are grateful for at the end of the day. While this exercise will definitely make you count your blessings, I do not advocate this method in isolation while you spend the rest of the day going about your business.

A true attitude of gratitude requires you to actively and consciously look for opportunities to express gratitude no matter where you are or what you are doing. The intent has to be sincere and not because you want something from the person. It may seem a little awkward in the beginning, but as your gratitude muscle gains strength, you will find it highly enjoyable to shower gratitude whenever and wherever possible.

Secondly, gratitude has to be definite, distinct and explicit. You look good today isn’t as effective as ‘that yellow top with red flowers suits you so well’, or ‘I appreciate your spending so much time and effort to get me the right book’, ‘I thank you for the time you spent in detailed research that helped me to put together this wonderful presentation’. Such specific words mean a lot more than if you were to just say, ‘Thanks a ton’, or even ‘Thanks a billion’. Make it a habit to constantly notice something new for you to be grateful.

Finally, a powerful way to increase your GQ is to regularly recite this wonderful Gratitude Prayer by Louis Hay in her book Gratitude: A Way of Life

I am grateful for myself and my body. I am grateful for my ability to see and hear, feel and taste and touch.

I am grateful for my home, and I take loving care of it. I am grateful for my family and friends, and I rejoice in their company. I am grateful for my work, and I give it my best at all times. I am grateful for my talents and abilities, and I continually express them in ways that are fulfilling. I am grateful for my income, and I know that I prosper wherever I turn. I am grateful for all my past experiences, for I know that they were part of my soul’s growth. I am grateful for all of nature, and I am respectful for every living thing. I am grateful for today, and I am grateful for the tomorrows to come.

)

Suresh Nair

Written by

Freelance Writer Editor Book Lover. Passionate about reading, inculcating gratitude, deep listening, mindfulness, relationships, amateur photographer and cook.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade