Covid: A Good Example of Mental Illness
For the first time since spring of 2020 when Covid-19 first started making the press and government’s radar, I am afraid of it. The virus is active in my home town. For days, the illness ran right through my neighborhood and five people I know were infected. These are among the first people I am personally acquainted with who have tested positive. Two of whom became extremely ill.
My mother and I left care packages with Covid tests, snacks or medicine on some of their front steps and porches, not daring to open their front doors and interact with them.
Receiving tales first hand via text messages and conversations held over the phone of how horrible it is from my nephew and ex, who I still interact with on a regular basis, I take extra measures to protect myself and others. I have become more vigilant than ever about wearing a face mask, even when I am not required to do so, and sanitizing my hands. Social distancing and staying home are a thing of the present once more.
Then, I woke up not feeling well. The first thing that entered my mind: Covid.
Naturally, my heartbeat quickened at the thought. My mind raced. How bad is this going to get?
Luckily, I am in possession of and take a home test, which alleviates my fear of having Covid within twenty minutes. Placated for the moment, my heart stops racing and I relax. The test itself acted in a similar fashion to taking Xanex (Alprazolam), the experience very similar to having a panic attack. The negative result calmed me down.
Before the home test was available, there was no more hope of immediately escaping the fear of having the virus when not feeling well than there is of immediately escaping mental illness in general… without a pill.
What this reaction is, is our fight or flight sympathetic nervous system kicking in. This is how our body is wired to survive threats, real or perceived.
With more people simultaneously sick from a common cause than there has been since the AIDS epidemic in the eighties, and without the specific limiting identifiable causes, almost everyone has or will most likely personally experience the fear Covid-19 creates and its ensuing panic.
Having this close encounter with the virus that has been terrifying the world for over two years has made me aware that now may be the best time to explain what PTSD feels like. Most people will be able to relate to and comprehend the experience.
Cancer And Other Diseases
Along with the illness, an epidemic or the diagnosis of a disease causes fear.
Even if “cured,” from cancer for example, many survivors will continue to experience this type of intense fear every time they feel a new pain or ailment worrying the disease has come back. This residual and reoccurring fear may very well stay with them for the rest of their life. I know because I have had cancer. I can only imagine what diabetics go through, or other people with lifelong diagnoses such as heart or coronary disease also.
This repeated experience of fear and activation of the sympathetic nervous system is what it is like to have PTSD. Only, with multiple and many times unknown causes of the feeling by things called triggers, which are likely to show up unexpectedly and often seem to come out of the blue. This reaction is similar to how anyone of us feels about Covid any time we don’t feel well.
The experts are saying because of the virus more people are struggling with mental illness than ever before. Perhaps what they should be saying is that more people are experiencing mental illness than ever before. The word experience lacks the negative connotation the word struggle invokes.
Covid test kits and vaccinations are the psychological equivalent to a sedative, treating the symptoms, but certainly not providing the cure. Ironically enough, all are served up courtesy of pharmaceutical companies.
The good news is, however, now the whole world may be able to relate to what it is like to have a mental illness and to be treated for it. My hope is that this will bring a little more empathy for those of us who will continue to suffer with similar experiences and the continued activation and reactivation of their sympathetic nervous system long after the epidemic is over.
There is nothing like common experience to create a little more compassion. Perhaps mental illness will truly become a little less taboo, even for those of us who have been hiding it for years.
I hope this explanation has helped to shed a little light on what living with PTSD is like.
Old News: Covid Vaccinations and Me
A year ago, I wrote an article about working during Covid and why I ultimately left my place of employment, which had to do with the then brand new vaccination.
In it, I explained why I chose to forgo getting vaccinated against Covid when I became eligible. I listed what felt like everything but the kitchen sink as examples of why I do not trust in new medications. All were from personal experience and observation.
The vaccination has simply not been on the market and in use long enough for me to believe it has proven itself to be otherwise harmless, particularly long-term, and I do not feel comfortable taking it. I do not believe in scientism as in “an exaggerated trust in the efficacy of the methods of natural science applied to all areas of investigation (as in philosophy, the social sciences, and the humanities)”. Source: wikipedia.org
My beliefs are more in line with those of Austrian-born philosopher Paul Feveraben:
“There must be a separation of state and science just as there is a separation between state and religious institutions, and science should be taught as one view among many and not as the one and only road to truth and reality.” — Paul Feyerabend, Against Method, p. viii[55] Source: wikipwedia.org
One thing I failed to explain in the article was how the involvement of my sympathetic nervous system in relation to my mental illness also weighed into my decision. Why did I leave that reason out? You ask.
Because I wanted to be perceived as a “normal” person who wrote the piece, not a mentally ill person, and thereby be somehow discredited in my reasoning and logic. There are plenty of people who are not getting vaccinated who are not also mentally ill. Either way, we should each be respected in our decisions.
Mental illness and intelligence do not preclude one another. “The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.” ─ Bruce Feirstein (American screenwriter and journalist)
Therefore, one shouldn’t necessarily hope for a cure for mental illness, but wish for success. In this instance, my success will depend upon whether I can convey that my feelings as a sufferer of PTSD are just one more reason why I personally do not get vaccinated.
My desire is not to engage my sympathetic nervous system any more than it already is by PTSD with the introduction of something new into my body, especially when I have no faith in the new substance. For me, to do so would only cause suspicion of the vaccine for whatever pain or illness I experience and add more anxiety… more stress.
I rest my case on the fact that only once in over two years since the pandemic began has my sympathetic nervous system been engaged as a direct result of Covid. Had I taken the vaccine, my sympathetic nervous system would have been engaged repeatedly, if not constantly, for more than 24 months because of the introduction of the new drug into my body.
This is a risk/benefit scenario for me specifically. Because of PTSD, the additional stress to my sympathetic nervous system alone should be reason enough for me not getting it.
I have more confidence in my body’s ability to defend itself in the potential event that I contract the virus than I wish to stress my sympathetic nervous system and aggravate my current illness. And I say this as a person who has had cancer, undergone chemotherapy treatment for months and experienced a weakened immune system.
The introduction of any substance into our bodies is an important and sometimes difficult decision to make. Once administered, the body is 100% committed to any number of unknown or unforeseen side effects. Consider the newness of this vaccine and the way it was fast-tracked through the system for FDA approval. Whatever choice each of us makes should be a logical and thoughtful response. Pros and cons need to be carefully weighed for each individual.
This is not to say that one has to be quite so cautious, or should be fearful, of all drugs. Modern medicine and vaccinations have done wonders for the world. Pharmaceutical products cured my cancer and help me continue to fight against recurrence. In this instance, I, with a young and healthy body, am choosing a more conservative position. I will wait for however long it takes for me to feel comfortable.
Physically, I am healthy. I have faith in my body.
It is also my belief that no one should have to defend their decision not to get vaccinated, whatever their reason. Medical information is protected by HIPAA for a reason. Mental illness is never easy to talk about and is seldom understood. No one should feel forced into disclosing having it as a reason against getting the Covid vaccination.
Perhaps we should all just assume that if a person has decided against vaccination, it is for personal health reasons, and we should respect their right to privacy and their right to choose.
In writing this, I find it a little ironic how hard some people are working, once again, to ensure a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body in the case of abortion and yet some of those same people feel strongly that every person should have to get vaccinated. It exhibits the same level of hypocrisy that right-to-lifers demonstrate driving motor vehicles that are responsible for 38,000 American deaths each year to a protest against abortion. That is over one million people a year globally.
What I am going for is to perhaps create more insight and compassion from my readers in response to the unvaccinated. No one should feel coerced, constrained or excluded.
Unfortunately, I know from experience when some people find out one is unvaccinated for Covid, they seem to jump to the incorrect conclusion and assume that one who has made this decision is an anti-vaxxer or somehow otherwise irresponsible. When in fact the person may be responsible, intelligent and making the best decision possible as an individual.
I have even heard the non-vaccinated referred to as “crazies” with my own ears. (FYI, the term crazy is offensive when used in reference or spoken to the mentally ill.)
So please, don’t condemn the unvaccinated simply because our decisions differ from yours. We each have our own beliefs, experience and health to consider. None of us knows what anyone else may be keeping to themselves as a reason or may be incapable of expressing without prejudice.
This is a personal, and should be a, confidential decision to make.
Perhaps this good example of mental illness will create more understanding and respect for the rights of an individual to make their own choices about what is best for their own body.
What I wish is for the world to have a little more compassion for those who go against the grain and make less popular choices as we navigate these difficult times.
