Marriage is the Hefty Bag You’ll Use to Bury Your Heart in the Woods

I got married at an antique tractor pull by an Elvis tribute artist/preacher. There was lots of beer served by Hooters servers who were giving back to the community on their off day and burgers and fried pickles and such for sale cheap to benefit the Lion’s Club’s annual fundraiser. A handful of strippers who liked to drink showed up and helped decorate part of the bar and also boosted the day’s receipts for the place by quite a bit. Have you ever seen a boot scootin’ boogie done to rap? No?

Every year, the tractor pull is in July and every year some of the people who only went in the first place to attend my wedding show up and drink beer and hang out and have another good time.

That was us. Still, I think that if your wedding is all about your “perfect day,” you’re already an asshole. It should be about entertaining the people who show up to help you celebrate. If the person you’re marrying wants to spend more than $2 to $3K on this, you’re probably marrying an asshole. Sure, there are actual things that could make it all be more than that, but not many.

If you hate the idea, you’re marrying the wrong person or doing it wrong.