The kind of love relationship you are talking about exists — I have been lucky enough to experience it several times in my life. I sometimes think the odds are that I will never find it again because I’ve already had so much of it. There are so many people that have never had it at all. (One of my favorite things to ask a man on a first date is “Tell me about the greatest love of your life.” You’d be surprised how many men have to stop and think about it. If you have to stop and think about it, you haven’t ever experienced it.)
It is rare and precious. When you have it, both partners have to cherish it.
I also think there is a major cultural shift occurring right now where technology has enabled people to think of others as commodities. Login to Tinder or OKC or Match or whatever and you get a full array of people served up to you like ice cream flavors. Chose one, try it, then go back tomorrow for another flavor. It’s a transaction.
My philosophy is to start with love. Here is who I am. Here is what I want. I am putting love out into the world and maybe love will be returned. There’s an awful lot of unreturned love. As human beings we attached expectations to love that aren’t attainable. Yet, we all long for it. Even the people who are sucked into the transaction process — they’re just getting high, addicted to the thrill. They are transaction addicts. The key is to learn to spot them and exit quickly. They need help but it’s not your job to help them.
How to find a love like this again? Well, that’s the mystery.