How Grief Impacts Us
A look at the negative and positive (yes, positive) sides of grief.
First, it’s important to make sure we understand how grief can manifest. Some ways include:
- Sadness
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Anger
- Physical pain
- Shock
- Digestive issues
- Weakened immune system
- Fatigue and lethargy
- Irritability
- Changes in appetite
- Numbness or detachment
- Guilt or self-blame
- Difficulty accepting the loss
- Confusion, “brain fog,” and difficulty concentrating
- Intense sorrow and emotional pain about the loss
- Lack of trust in others, which can lead to isolation
- Fluxuations in appetite that can lead to weight gain or loss
Keep in mind that this list is just a starting point.
A Closer Look at the Psychological Impacts of Grief
Let’s take a look at the many ways grief impacts us and how we show up in the world as we experience it.
3 Negative Impacts of Grief
1. The Physical, Mental, and Emotional Body May Be Impacted
When we are grieving, the physical body needs to be attended to. Existing illnesses may worsen, or new ones may arise. It’s important to keep an eye out for depression, anxiety, and even panic attacks. Be sure to talk to your doctor if new illnesses arise or existing ones are exacerbated.
2. Obsession With the Deceased or the Loss
An inability to integrate the loss can lead to rumination and can prevent an individual from moving forward. Of course, the goal is not to forget, particuarly in the case of a death, but rather to adjust to a new way of being without the loved one in your life.
3. Hopelessness
A loss may lead to feelings that life will never be complete or good again. Such despair can in turn lead to depression or anxiety, as noted above. Again, persistent feelings of hopelessness should be addressed by a doctor.
4 Positive Impacts of Grief
1. Spiritual Development or Searching for Meaning
People who have experienced a loss, particularly the loss of a loved one, may find themselves questioning or exploring their faith and spiritual identity. In my case, for example, I grew more interested in learning about what may happen to us after we die. I have also begun diving deeply into various spiritual and religious texts for a greater sense of meaning.
2. Newfound Maturity, Wisdom, or Purpose
Some people shift their entire careers or way of life after a loss. I for one have encountered many elder caregivers who want to educate and help other caregivers navigate the complexities of their (often unpaid) work — many even make whole careers out of it. After a loss, you may experience a shift in priorities, in how you spend your time, and with whom you spend your time. A “shedding” may occur, when friendships, locations, and lifestyles may change, even if subtly.
3. Presence
Presence is an extension of the two preceding sections. A significant loss can lead to appreciating the present moment more, much like mindfulness practices. It can also improve other relationships by helping you see the value in them and in investing in them.
4. Relief
Relief can be tricky, as it is very personal to each individual and to each circumstance. In my case, I was relieved immediately that my mother was no longer suffering. I was not relieved, though, to have lost her, particularly as we had developed a very close, intimate, special relationship in the last years of her life. For others, relief in all forms may come immediately, particularly if they had a contentious relationship with their loved one or if caregiving had become all-consuming.
How has grief impacted your life? I’d love to get your thoughts and feedback at sushil@supreka.com.
