lay me down

I woke up today convincing myself that I would be content if I just stayed indoors, wrapped in my blanket, watching the world pass me by.

For the last year especially, I have immersed myself in so many involvements — always on-the-go, scurrying from one place to another. Everything became a tight work schedule, a to-do list filled with scribbles, a Google Calender of color-coordinated events. While I have been so thankful for all these opportunities that so many others do not get to experience, I have also been so overwhelmed and so tired.

I feel like a hamster running on their wheel. Do they enjoy it? Sure. But as it gets faster and faster, I’m getting dizzy because it seems that there is no end in sight. And so, I feel neither motivated or content to keep going. But, I still go. Why? Because I’ve been taught to keep going for so long and I am not really sure what will happen if I stop.*

The point that I am trying to make is that I am perfectly ok with being alone, having no commitments, and making no plans. Scratch that. It is actually what I am hoping to do in Taiwan for the next three months. I want to go about my day not knowing how it will be spent, who I will converse with, or even how long I plan on being out. I have no intentions of making new friends, excelling in my studies, or successfully navigating my way in Taiwan — but also, let’s be honest, I might end up doing all three.

It is strangely funny though now that I think of it because I remember asking folks for advice on post-grad life…and the most popular response has been to set goals and deadlines for one self. To not be lazy, but to be pro-active and do something.

So, I guess I may be doing it wrong. And maybe end up regretting it. But hey, my life has been quite untraditional filled with spontaneity and “I will probably regret this, but not really” kind of moments. So, ready or not, here I go.

Sidenote: I never anticipated to use this hamster metaphor, but apparently it is quite popular on Google search. Also, research shows that hamsters like running on their wheel because it gives them great exercise in their small cage as they can run up to five miles a day! Wow! You go hamster!