We will always have science
Remember that song we used to sing as kids?
Susie and Andrew sitting in the tree
First comes love.
Then comes marriage.
Then comes baby* in the baby carriage
Damn, when did we forget the marriage part?
When we were told that we couldn’t have a baby naturally, despite having friends who had done fertility treatments, it was news we weren’t prepared to hear.
Then came all the doctor appointments: blood work, ultrasounds, hormones, injections, mood swings — the list goes on. Somewhere in that process we were no longer a married couple. We were just baby-making machines.
How did a non-existent baby become more than us? Was having a baby more important than our relationship?
As much as we would love a baby and to be parents, we had to recognize that somewhere in the kerfuffle of fertility treatments we had let our partnership suffer.
This journey is not easy. Not for the woman, not for the man, not for the marriage. The amount of ups and downs you experience can cause a 9.1 earthquake in even the strongest of unions.
On Instagram, I saw so many women going through this and talking about how hard it was on their marriage. I saw their pain, their stress, and their sadness. There is one circumstance in particular that to this day still comes to mind. This woman was talking about how she had kicked her husband out of the house. They’d been married for years and he was an incredible husband and her best friend, but she felt that during this chapter in their lives he wasn’t there for her. He didn’t understand how tired she was, why she was reacting the way that she was, or why she just wasn’t who she “used” to be. She felt alone and felt like their marriage was falling apart. Right then and there, I knew I didn’t want to be in the same situation. I much rather get our marriage back in shape before we put it through the ringer with something that should bring us joy, happiness and perhaps closer. Even after 12 years of being together, it’s important to know when you have to call a timeout.
Obviously, everyone’s experience will be different, and this is just a decision we made. This process is an emotional rollercoaster and it should be the happiest time of your life.
Where are we now? We took our much needed break and when we were ready, we as a couple made the decision to move forward with IVF.
We are excited, nervous, scared — all of the above. It might work, it might not, but what I do know is that our marriage comes first above anything else.
I’m not ashamed to admit this and would recommend taking a break to any couple who might feel overwhelmed, overly hormonal, and/or are no longer pumped about being told when to have sex with their spouse.
If you would like to follow our journey, you can do so on Instagram #bumptobe