My human side wants to wallow.
I feel lost, sad, and anxious.
I’m not used to it.
My job situation is unsteady.
I’m about to be removed from my living situation.
I’ve lost the things that make me feel safe.
It’s painful when people disagree with my decisions.
I feel alone.
Why did you make me so damn sensitive??
I’m tired of feeling so intensely.
It feels like the smallest things are taking me down.
But my human side can only wallow for so long.
Because — I see it.
I see what’s happening.
Everything is falling apart so that there can be room.
Room for more.
A better living situation.
A more exciting life.
You know me.
You knew I wouldn’t make changes on my own.
And so you sped things up.
Things are falling apart, and now I can see.
I wasn’t meant for the everyday.
Why else would I have been beating my head against the wall at my last job?
I was blindingly bored.
If I had faith in myself and had persevered in the past,
Would I have pursued bigger dreams?
I don’t know.
They felt impossible.
Things are falling apart so that I have no choice but to start again.
To live better.
To live a life I deserve.
A dream-filled life.
A life more thrilling than I could have imagined.
And there I was, thinking I was doing just fine.
I’m nervous and uncomfortable.
But I know it’s going to be okay.
Most people don’t know this, but I do:
The only reason we experience pain
is to make room for more peace.