Is horoscope matching really necessary?
Being a woman in her early thirties, I find it difficult to shake away the stigma from society which labels us women who cross thirty with “unlucky in love” and “too modern for our taste” tags. Potential matchmakers presume that once we cross thirty we are so desperate to be hooked that they expect us to accept major age gaps , divorced or widowed or men with kids tags. All well meaning but nosy relatives ask my parents as to whether I will ever settle and suggest all sorts of unwelcome so called wonderful alliances. And the worst part is, my parents believe in all of the above.
First of all, I am the one getting married so I must choose when I should get married. Marriage is a bond primarily between two people who share their lives and resources together. Two souls one heart…or is that two hearts one soul? Anyways, you get the point. Relatives and friends are an added bonus but there is an inner circle around the two primary souls who have agreed to spend a lifetime together, in sickness and in health, in good and bad, in prosperity and in poverty and so on. How can society expect two individuals with separate lives, different tastes and mindsets, to decide with just one meeting whether they can spend a lifetime together? How can a woman decide from a profile which basically contains a photo with a name, a star, a gothra or lineage, earnings per month and hobbies whether that man would keep her happy for the rest of her life? And to top it all off the parents of both the man and woman claim that a series of planetary positions were found favorable in the horoscope for this couple by some stranger who claims to know the past present and future by just looking at a few squares on a sheet of paper?
Secondly, horoscope matching is supposed to be an age old custom. Googling it will lead to an infinite number of websites claiming to get you a match based on the couple’s date time and place of birth. Really? Where do you find horoscope matching in the Ramayana or Mahabharata? Lord Ram won Sita’s hand by stringing a divine bow. Arjuna won Draupadi’s hand by a similar feat. These contests were held because in the olden times, man was expected to protect his companion and the woman was worth being won over by such demonstrations of strength, valour and bravery. Why can’t a woman of this age expect her would be husband to win her over by showing his capacity to protect her for her lifetime? He need not break bows or shoot arrows blindfolded through a hoop. All he needs to do is show her some respect, give her some space, a patient ear to listen to her viewpoints and build her confidence in him that he can look after her for a lifetime. Believe it or not, most women expect only this much from their dream man. Is it really too much to ask?
Thirdly, look at all those love marriages which have been successful without the horoscope matching bit where individuals have chosen their life partners in total acceptance of their strengths and weaknesses.
Finally, parents are humbly requested to kindly take a step back and let their children choose their own life partners, whatever be their status in society, earning capacity, choices or gender. ‘In this day and age of social networking, the world is a lot more open and accepting of individuals with different needs and opinions. Let us remember the words of the wise who say that the soul has no gender and that it is neutral. We can be more accepting of things once we realise the true nature of the soul.
To be fair to the pro-horoscope sympathizers, there have been instances of love marriages ending in divorce and arranged marriages succeeding. But a marriage is a lot of work, so it all ultimately depends on the two individuals within the marriage and their tolerance levels.
The basis for any strong bond be it marriage or any other relationship is the three main traits of love, trust and understanding between the related parties. Everything else is secondary. I rest my case.