Forgiveness & The Necessity of Pain
QUICK READ:
- Forgiveness is not a weakness and takes great strength to practice and employ
- Alexandre Dumas wrote The Count of Monte Cristo to illustrate that it’s better to abandon revenge and move forward, starting a new life
- Khalil Gibran wrote in his poem, On Joy and Sorrow, that joy and pain are inseparable feelings, only existing in tandem
- The pain you feel today, once abandoned, can be become an equal measure of joy
- Listen to the song, Joy and Pain by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly to get a musical interpretation of the antithetical relationship between, well, joy and pain
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Forgiveness is often seen or viewed as a weakness when, in fact, it takes a great deal of strength to forgive someone who may have wronged you. However stigmatized a forgiving attitude may be, in the long run, it may be better for your own health because harboring hatred and negative emotions is more deadly to your own health than the person who wronged you. Unforgiveness can often lead down the path of revenge and revenge often consumes you, the individual who was victimized, more than the violator.
The Count of Monte Cristo, by the late Alexandre Dumas (1802–1870), tells a story about how the quest for revenge can turn into an all consuming flame that destroys everyone involved. To summarize the tale in a phrase: it’s better to move forward than live in the past. Several characters in the story experience the depths of despair, living through betrayal by friends and family, “death” of loved ones, and seemingly indefinite prison time. However, all the characters realize that it’s ultimately a wasted effort to seek revenge and they all find someone to love and move forward, starting a new and better life.
For those of you who may be experiencing deep pain and sorrow, the cliches “The sun’ll come out tomorrow”, or “There is light at the end of the tunnel” should hold deep meaning but they come from a more eloquent place. The late Khalil Gibran (1883–1931) wrote in his poem, On Joy and Sorrow, the following:
“… Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. …”
When you experience unbearable pain, oftentimes it can lead to unfathomable joy. At times it’s hard to believe, but Gibran’s poem continues:
“… Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? …”
Those things that we use to bring joy, often come from troubled beginnings. Many people love to drink wine from a cherished wine glass or drink alcohol from their favorite rocks glass, but in both cases, sand (or other materials) had to be heated to incredible temperatures to make that precious object. The food we love to eat is cut, carved, diced, heated, fried, and sometimes burned. The beach body we all desire only appears after the destruction of numerous muscle fibers. Diamonds, as many of us know, come from coal enduring immense pressure for an extended time.
Similar to light and dark, up and down, left and right, top and bottom, fire and ice, rich and poor, good and bad, night and day, failure and success, big and little, love and hate, male and female, zero and one, presence and absence, on and off, hot and cold, old and young, abundance and scarcity, friend and enemy (I think I’ve made the point by now), there can be no joy without pain. You can only make room for joy, when you’ve emptied your vessel of pain.
Experiencing the depths of despair means you will be able to experience joy in equal measure.
If you’d like a musical version of Gibran’s ideals, check out the song, Joy and Pain by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly, it starts with a staccato instrumental followed by a rhythmic bass line and eventually introduces some lovely vocals. I won’t spoil the entire song, but here is a snippet of the lyrics:
“Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain
Love can be bitter, love can be sweet
Sometimes devotion and sometimes deceit
The ones that you care for give you so much pain
Oh but it’s alright they’re both one in the same”
REMEMBER: Casper was just a cartoon, don’t be a ghost reader. If you like what you read, react to the post. Share the post if you think someone will benefit. Give a follow as I’ll be working my best to deliver some aspect of growth or technology every single day.
