I loved reading this teaching. I am here on good days. I struggle with it from time to time. I disillusioned myself with believing that once I had succumbed to this, way of being. I would have all that is wrong, fall into place.
I would be divine in spirit therefore , the things around me should be also. Not true. I am so bothered by this not happening, I create my own turmoil as a result, mostly from disappointment with myself for being an empath.
I believe energy is powerful and I am sensitive to full moons, retrograde and the energy of others also from my environment. My energy is strong it changes things.
Since, I have problems controlling my sensitivity when, I am upset I try and suppress negative energy. I don’t want the energy of my disappointments unleashed on top of it. It causes chain reactions.
I have resigned myself to a hermit lifestyle. My outlet is writing to express my emotions. I get excited about things that I want to do but, there is always a but when it concerns myself.
I don’t feel others have the drive and determination, I want from them to thrive where I am concerned. I learned to motivate and become a great negotiator; taught myself how to do a lot of things.
Though, doing so has led to feeling drained. I once got the manual for a Saab engine in order to rebuild it or fix something ourselves, with a boyfriend at the time. We did it because it was too expensive to pay and fix. More than the car was worth.
I don’t even, know how or where it comes from. I never feel there is anything, I can’t do. I simply need to create the energy needed.
After I do these things, I don’t remember what I did to get it done. I want to stay in this place of motivation
and call on it whenever, I want to use it but, have difficulty doing so, more and more now. For long periods, I could use it previously.
I only, feel this way with my own personal projects now. I don’t want people around who are assisting to think for me. Only, to do what I am asking of them. I don’t need any suggestions except where I ask for them. I know exactly, what I want to do and have done.
Artists, like to be creative. I was the same way when, I started. I don’t have the energy anymore to continue. Holding the reigns is tiresome. I know how to deal with them, I just don’t want to anymore.
I could use the reminder of these teachings. I am working on it.