Hey, everybody! Let’s crowd-source a new constitution!

Care to join me on this?

OLD:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

NEW:

We, the sentient nodes of . . . .

DROPDOWN MENU OF CHOICES (select appropriate level of hubris. You may upgrade later):

  • the infinite range of all possible alternative universes
  • the universe within this plane of existence (TPOE)
  • all the planets of all the galaxies theoretically accessible in TPOE’s universe
  • all the planets of all the galaxies practically accessible in TPOE’s universe
  • all the theoretically accessible planets (TAP) of TPOE’s “Milky Way” galaxy (MWG)
  • all the practically accessible planets (PAP) of TPOE’s MWG
  • All PAP of TPOE’s MWG that are capable of supporting life in any form (COSLIAF), whether carbon-based, silicon-based, or based on a hitherto unknown chemistry
  • All PAP of TPOE’s MWG that are capable of supporting carbon-based life (COSCBL)
  • some of the COSCBL PAP systems of TPOE’s MWG
  • all the COSCBL planets of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL planetary system (SOL-PS) and their habitable satellites, natural or artificial, including their atmospheres (HSNOAITA)
  • Earth, the third planet (P3) of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL-PSHSNOAITA
  • the land masses, bodies of water, and troposphere (LMBOWAT) of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL-PSHSNOAITA’s P3
  • selected jurisdictions (SJ) <definition here> among the LMBOWAT of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL-PSHSNOAITA’s P3
  • qualified <definition here> animal <definition here> and plant <definition here> species <definition here> QAAPS in SJ among the LMBOWAT of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL-PSHSNOAITA’s P3
  • all QAAPS in SJ among the LMBOWAT of TPOE’s MWG’s SOL-PSHSNOAITA’s P3 that care to participate in a federated form of democratically connected government (FFODCG)
  • you, me, and other Bitcoin investors
  • just you and me
  • OK, just me then

in order to . . . .

DROPDOWN MENU OF CHECK-BOXES (select all applicable):

  • form a more perfect net neutrality <definition here>,
  • establish justice <definition here>,
  • ensure domestic tranquility <definition here>,
  • provide for the common defense <definition here>, while giving crazy gun-toters a militia <definition here> to join
  • promote the general welfare <definition here>,
  • provide a nanny state <definition here> with free <definition here> health care from cradle to grave,
  • give multinational <definition here> corporations <definition here> unrestricted opportunities to enslave us with big data <definition here> and monetized search <definition here>,
  • encourage dotcom <definition here> billionaires <definition here> to flaunt their obscene wealth in our faces,
  • allow Bible-thumpin’ <definition here> gun-totin’ lunatics <definition here> to run rampant <definition here> all over the place <definition here>, in the absurdly unrealistic hope that the good guy <definition here> will win <definition here>
  • reject those namby-pamby <definition here>, whiny <definition here> libtard <definition here> s’ mealy-mouthed <definition here> demands until they pry my rifle out of my cold dead hands
  • move Ann Coulter to a window seat, whether she likes it <definition here> or not
  • other (please specify),
  • and secure the blessings of liberty for . . . .

DROPDOWN MENU OF CHOICES (select one):

  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult, male, propertied, Southern Baptist slave owners
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult, male, propertied Southern Baptists
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult, male, propertied Protestants
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult, male Protestants
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult Protestants
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult Protestants and OK, maybe a few invited rich Irish Catholics
  • all straight, white, taxpaying, adult Christians
  • all straight, white, adult Christians
  • all straight, white Christians
  • all straight Christians, and OK, maybe a few invited rich Jews, but subject to extreme vetting
  • all Christians and some rich Jews, but that’s our last offer
  • other (please specify)

do ordain and establish this . . . .

DROPDOWN MENU OF CHOICES(select one):

  • constitution
  • social contract between the governed and the not-so-governed
  • old piece of paper
  • web page
  • digital file stored in the cloud somewhere
  • ridiculous exercise in political futility

for . . . .

DROPDOWN MENU OF CHOICES(select one):

  • the Connected Communities of America
  • the Distributed Ledgers of Earth
  • the United Federation of Planets
  • the Multiverse
  • the Force
  • you, me, and other Bitcoin investors
  • just you and me
  • OK, just me then

That’s enough for today, wouldn’t you say?

NEXT INSTALLMENT:

ARTICLE 1: The Legislative Branch according to Mitch McConnell

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