Be heard
A lot has been said about introverts and extroverts and honestly, I don’t know what I believe. Is it a part of your personality or true nature? Does it have to do with behaviors, personality traits or your social presence? How much of it has to do with shyness and level of confidence or even cultural backgrounds? Even after reading the much famous Susan Cain book Quiet, I am a skeptic (that needs a whole other post) So I don’t know if I can say I am an introvert but this I do know, I am quiet.
I am quiet when I am not sure of what I want to say. I am quiet when people are talking because I love to hear complete sentences (and I think everyone should, even if they don’t love it) And so, I notice when people ‘allow’ me to talk. It’s not so much as ‘allowing’ as it is about giving me the space and the time. I notice how it’s a valuable leadership quality. And as easy as it sounds, I also notice how only a few people possess and practice this.
It is harder than you think it is. In a room full of talkers, how do you pause to notice someone who isn’t talking and make them feel comfortable enough to speak their mind? Because everyone has something to important and incredible to say.
In my work place or even outside, its one of the first things I notice about people around me. Do they talk to talk or do they talk to listen. How do I know this about people? I notice if they cut people mid-sentence and worse, don’t acknowledge it. If they continue talking without asking for your opinions or questions or worse, if they leave no room for other opinions.
On the contrary, I also notice if people politely stop other people on the table from cutting into conversations (because some times people won’t realize it on their own) I notice if people pause and ask others for their opinions and questions. If they notice that you have something to say from the look on your face and encourage you to say it. And yes, I agree you shouldn’t have to wait to be asked, just find the right time to jump in but the truth is that, that too isn’t easy for some people. It is a skill that some people are more comfortable with than others and it is ok to acknowledge that and practice to get better.
So how can we make sure that the quiet and talkers work together in the best way?
1. Acknowledge and understand your style: It is important to reflect on your unique communication style and the style of the people in your team to accomodate and adjust to each other’s approach. Build time and space to discuss this with each other so you all have a common understanding
2. Encourage opinions: You will miss out on the diversity and depth of knowledge of the people on the table if all opinions aren’t heard or considered. Discuss and decide on ways to consciously include everyone’s voice in the process. Something that everyone is comfortable. For example, encouraging someone to share their opinion by asking them is usually a good tactic but asking someone for their opinion in a meeting might initimidate some people by making them feel like they are put on the spot. If we can talk about these things and come up with ways that everyone is comfortable with, it enriches discussions going forward.
3. Collective decision-making: Adopting an inclusive way of working and decision-making helps people feel like their opinions matters. I say collective decision-making because it immediately helps people know that you are looking for their input and that it matters. Even if it’s a simple thing like ‘Can you take a look at this slide and tell me what you think?’ Or doesn’t even have to be directly work related: ‘We are thinking of getting new furniture for this space, do you have any ideas for it?’ This is important especially for people to continue sharing their opinions and having an honest interaction. Compliment a good suggestion or comment. Compliment someone who challenges you with a good argument so people feel welcome to talk even when they may not agree with you. That’s most difficult.
4) Listen: and really listen. I cannot emphasize enough the skill of listening. It is hard and it is a much needed skill if you want to be a good team player. It is important to listen especially in challenging environments like when you face language barriers. But even everyday. One of my favorite quotes is ‘The greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of listening’
Do you have any other ideas to add to this list? Or similar or not-so-similar experiences? I am listening :)