“She has a good figure”: Why creating a safe workplace takes much more than sexual harassment policy

Swati
Swati
Jul 23, 2017 · 6 min read

I was chatting with a colleague, a woman HR Director, about some conversation she had with other business leaders, all men. She mentioned a word they had used to describe something that was happening in office at that time. I wasn’t familiar with it, so I asked what it meant. It was a cuss word with serious sexual connotations. I know her to be a person who doesn’t even use swear words, so I asked out of curiosity, if she felt comfortable.

It seemed that many conversations she was a part of involved usage of such language, and she could not really afford to object to it, even in the mildest way.

“It will effect my relationship with the business leaders(men), which I have worked very hard to build. They will not be as friendly with me, if I object. So I bear with it.”

This is not a stand-alone case. I have come across many women describing variations of a similar experience that they may have had.

  • An adult joke, sometimes the woman colleague being a character in the joke itself
  • Someone complimenting your figure in a way that feels more uncomfortable than a compliment, in the way it is worded or said

And then other trespasses like:

  • Standing too close
  • Trying to give a hug, when you are only on “handshake” terms
  • Behaving inappropriately at a office party, under the pretext of “Oh, I was drunk”
  • The famous roving eye, and its cousins

One of the worst invasion of space I have personally witnessed, was this induction event with 40 men of which there were 2 women.

The session was being held at a conference room, which had separate toilets for men and women. Somewhere after the first break, men seemed to have taken a unilateral decision that just 2 women did not deserve to have a toilet to themselves, while the remaining 40 men, had to manage with two. So they all started using the women’s toilet, aswell.

The list is endless.

So here’s the problem, and there are two:

Firstly, safe workplace is not just safety from “sexual harassment” — it is also safety from “gross acts of insensitivity”.

Secondly, most women just grin and bear..

..not because they are okay with it.. but because of similar reasons as that lady HR Director colleague of mine. Here are few:

  • Men colleagues will take offense to the feedback
  • It may seem “too trivial” while describing, so “why make an issue out of it”
  • The woman may feel she will be tagged as a “trouble-maker” or called names
  • It might impact how the “establishment” sees her, and her future in the organization
  • She may fear alienation by colleagues
  • She may fear losing the relationship itself
  • If the trespasser is a “senior”.. then definite impact on work opportunities and career
  • If the women herself is a senior executive member — then her leadership position and peer-acceptance in the executive circle will be at stake

And most importantly,

  • Organizations, as a solution, offer only TWO EXTREMES:

Ignore OR file a “sexual harrassment” complaint

It is the lack of anything else in between that those charged with the responsibility of ensuring a safe place for women, must seriously introspect upon

In some organizations, the most that happens is a round of sexual harassment policy sessions for employees. It is a one-time affair, and does nothing to address the day to day nuances of the matter. In many organizations, even that is missing.

A safe place to work needs culture much before its needs compliance

Having been in HR, I have unfortunately witnessed HR professionals discuss, what are meant to be confidential harassment cases, as party jokes within the team. Just the other day, one of my HR peers was sharing how his boss, the Head of HR, talks about women in a derogatory manner, behind closed doors.

Not everyone in HR is like that, but there is a definite gap.

So firstly,

Chief People Officers have to begin with sensitizing their own teams first.

We cannot assume that just because HR has the formal ownership, every HR person is naturally geared for a responsibility like that.

Anecdotal evidence in many recent cases, clearly shows a need for this.

Secondly

Sexual harrassment trainings have to be a small part of a LARGER dialogue.

  • Dialogues that build a common organizational understanding of what is okay, and what is not
  • Dialogues that discuss scenarios of what a “no” looks like, and how we can respect it
  • Dialogues that bring out the discomforts, grudges and make candor safe

Many of these require very strong facilitation skills (not the ones that are powered by power-point presentations). Organizations must invest in developing such facilitators internally — because these dialogues have to be continuous and sustained. That is the only way culture gets built.

Thirdly

Realise that sexual harassment policy is a necessary but not sufficient redressal mechanism system

There has to be something in-between. Maybe a council of the wisest (note, I didn’t say most-senior) people within and outside the organization who can facilitate a conversation, when the need arises.

This is for when the woman thinks it is not a harrassment, but it is still something she does NOT want to ignore; to ensure that they don’t have to choose between tolerating an indignity just because she thinks it is not “big enough” to file a sexual harassment charge.

I want to put a strong caveat here.

Unfortunately, in cases when the transgressor is a senior executive, HR is not always completely neutral. Truth of life is, sometimes they are given the task of “managing the situation”. (Not all organizations are like that — thankfully there are a few brave ones out there — but unfortunately the circumstances described here are far from rare)

An in-between mechanism should make it easier for women to share daily discomforts, and NOT become a way to “manage” and underplay a transgression by a “good performer” or “senior person”.

Finally,

In 2016, one of the most hard-hitting Bollywood movies was one called Pink. It was a courtroom drama, in defense of 3 women who said “no” to advances of men they went to a party with. The movie ends with one of the most powerful dialogues penned for movies. The beginning of that closing dialogue said,

NO, is not a word.

It is a complete sentence in itself.

And our endevour to build a safe workplace for women can never be complete, until

We build an organization where it is safe for women to say, “no”.

******************************************************************

Swati Jena is a writer and entrepreneur. She is the founder of GhostWritersWorld (www.ghostwritersworld.com); @writingspells on twitter

While she writes on a wide variety of subjects, her favorite topics are leadership, culture, artificial intelligence, education and ‘self’.

You can read her articles on LinkedIn or Medium (Use this link to Medium blogspot)

Her other articles include:

  1. “If you are nothing without the suit, you don’t deserve it”: 3 cardinal tests for anyone who calls himself leader
  2. “If Robots will do everything, what will humans do”: Why AI Rhetoric deeply worries me
  3. “I love solving problems”: The BIG problem with problem solving
  4. The Monkey Catcher’s Lesson: Why we get stuck in our jobs, situations, emotions..
  5. Flirt with your product ideas, don’t fall in love
  6. Love in the time of Artificial Intelligence: Valentine’s Day 2030
  7. 3 unforgettable lessons I learnt from an Indian Ed Tech Leader
  8. 3 taboo questions Millennials are asking, leaving hiring managers shocked
  9. Why the ‘Corporate-style Women’s Day Celebrations’ gives me the creeps
  10. “Anger is remembered pain”: 3 steps to healing from difficult experiences at workplace
  11. The (difficult) art of doing nothing and why it matter in a world proud of “busy”
  12. “So why are you leaving?”: Don’t treat retention discussions like a ONE TIME date
  13. The OOUCH of maternity leaves: Why managers secretly dread it

14. 500 Uber rides without driver talking on the phone: My personal starfish story

15. Sophisticated-fear-based-management: 3 unmistakable signs

16. “Here is a muffin that will make you successful”: The unspoken truth about success

17. 5 reasons we should ‘stop fighting for a cause’

18. Interns or cheap labor? Making internship count

19. LOL … driverless cars for India??: When AI meets Cows, Rajinikanth and Ganpati

20. Man or Woman? Who should lead gender diversity? Why we are simply asking the WRONG question.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade