Parenting: Growing pumpkins on a mango tree!
15. Marking off — Need and Want!
When the child is growing well in the right hands, it hippety-hops the mind to give the right thing at the right time. Parents mostly blend the need and the want while providing something to the child. I think before fortifying as parents we need to check whether it falls in a ‘Need-list’ or a ‘Want-list’. It’s not only the child who makes the ‘Want-list’ but moreover the parents! In today’s fast food era, we want everything to be quick. But dear friends, parenting is not that catch it takes far more than you think it would.
How would you differentiate between need and want? Answer few questions as,
1. Do you allow your under 10 kid to dress like a rock star and even feel proud of and brag about it?
2. Do you as a mom buy really trendy cloths for your daughter under an image that you have a very good taste and you understand the contemporary fashion?
3. Do you give the green light to or even teach your under aged ward to drive?
4. Do you allow your kid to watch R-rated movie or in India, a U/A certified film?? (Do you as a parent know these ratings and certification??)
5. Do you defend your kid while he/she has to face a dissension with friends or family?
6. Do you accept that your kid has a list of ‘people I like’ and ‘people I don’t like’ without knowing about them much?
If you are nodding your head in affirmation in most of the answers, then you already have entered a zone of overindulgence!! Everything stated above falls in the “Want-list” not the “Need-list”! This overindulgence may satisfy you that you are doing good for your kid by providing the best that can be bought with a fat amount or you are protecting the kid from this hard to deal with crowd of people. You may feel relieved that the kid is also very happy with you due to wishes being fulfilled but just for once, check those questions one more time and answer honestly that is there a single thing that you won’t do and the child will lose something?? On the other hand, have you tried to check the possibility of the kid developing a typical mentality where his/her happiness depends on material things or few people chosen by you OR good looks and status matter more for a quality life OR you are his/her trouble shooter!! Do all of these fall in the “Want list” too?? -NO!! surely would be your answer.
As all of us know, dependence on things or people hinders the path of development and progress. Life has so much to teach us and we have to deal with it being a plain paper. A pre conceptualized mind will have its limitations. And these birds have to fly beyond the skyline!
What as parents do we intend to? I think every parent wishes the kid to be a great successful human being who takes charge of the responsibilities for the family and others. Parents want to feel proud about the kid to be known as a self-effacing, acknowledged citizen of the society. So, is your “want-list” going to be helpful enough? No, you’ll need to have few more things to be taught for the purpose. Like,
1. Patience
2. Accountability
3. Self-reliance
4. Chore regardless of gender
5. Gratitude
And above all,
6. Digesting failures
Not a big order but practically this I consider as the “Need-list”. To teach this to your fellow, you’ll have to learn it thoroughly and practice it too. Let the kid realize that he/she will have to work hard rather struggle for their wants. I truly believe that easy things have no longer validities!( Don’t forget,you have got your precious kid after 9 long months.)If the child is getting everything quite easily, might not value it as he/she should. On the other hand, you also know that surviving in this world of competition is not as easy as walking in the garden! By teaching the kid to work for his/her desires, you are preparing them for future.
You must agree that to succeed rather to stand this world, the kid will need to be physically and psychologically strong and as well as compatible. The growing one will surely have to face the rough side of the world but if you have shown the ropes while parenting, the kid will know that solving problems is not making two minutes noodles!! So, the disappointment will not tug at your lad’s heart. This would provide time and courage to your younger one and he/she might look clearly towards finding the solution. Don’t you think, this is an essential one, the kid should be equipped with for the future??
And if you really want to overindulge your kid, you are definitely allowed to mollycoddle them with love. There is never a budgeting in loving your kid. But, the love here I am talking about is not dependent on materialism. It is the love that is pure and the kind which only parents can bestow the kid with. This love has no face or shape neither a price tag!! Fondling the kid whenever it has gone through a rough time, cuddling the child whenever it can’t hold the courage and holding the hand whenever it finds the whole world against- are the things which help you to build strong minds and hearts shaping them into the future men or women what they are meant to be.
Thank you pals for reading. Stay with me for more interesting stuff. Take a look at my previous article, if you’ve missed.
Take care, see you the next week.
