Frogs who don’t turn into Prince Charming
And how to recognise them!
Frogs never do really turn into the Prince Charming that you and your parents, uncles, aunts, friends and the ‘friendly’ neighbourhood aunties are probably working so hard to find. Sorry to burst your bubble ladies, but just hang on for a bit because every tale (the non fairy types as well) does have a silver lining.
For those who find that the Prince Charming eludes them, here’s the good part — the frogs teach you how to recognize the prince. And maybe, the only glitch is that we are not able to recognise this. The earlier one learns to recognize the signals they were sending out loud and clear (not that they ever meant to consciously make you run away), the better it is for us. Hopefully this eases the pain or frustration of the ‘treasure hunt’.
I am not here to defy the fairy tales or the millions of dollars that Disney and Bollywood rake in by repeatedly selling these tales in the many, very similar to one another, versions. But I do have real life experiences, as I am sure a lot of us do, that defy these tales. Only if I had had the insight to realize that most cases are rather the norm than the exception, I would have laughed through it, not just in hindsight.
First step in finding the “prince charming” if one still insists on calling them that, is to identify the frogs.
Without any undue disrespect to frogs — the tailless amphibians composing the order Anura, this is a species of humans — referred to as ‘frog types’, that one finds in surprisingly large numbers. The issue is, either due to our social upbringing or thanks to the aforementioned fairy tales & movies, we are made to believe that we are destined to meet nice people and by default, fall in love with one of them and that we don’t come across people who have any real negative qualities that can impact our personal relationships with them. Truth be told, one learns the hard way, that the people you meet in your circles — including the ones who are well educated and professional, will in fact be the frogs under the guise of princes that never will, and must not, turn into a prince or king of your heart.
Here’s a classification of this species based on purely personal experience. This comes with a caveat though, as this in no way is meant as a generalisation or aimed at disrespecting an individual, any profession or institution. Before you read further, put the humour hat on or log out please :)
Frog Type 1 — the MCP that you didn’t recognise because of his ‘prestigious’ degrees and a ‘great’ job
So the money bug caught this frog type 1 at some point after their graduation. They sat through the numerous competitive tests, scored well and got into a premier institute. In all likelihood went abroad or got the coveted MBA tag in India or elsewhere. For sure their family treats them like the blue eyed prince.
The problem starts here — their career is precious to them & their families. But your career or how you want to shape your career is not that important to anybody but yourself. Then why did they fall for a girl from another “reputed institute” or more importantly one who is evidently smart and has never shied away from talking about her desire to do well professionally?
Because, like many other MCPs (stereotype alert!)they too only needed a show piece or a trophy wife/girl friend/partner.
You need to drop this type 1 before you get caught in the ‘oh but you need to sacrifice something’ logic (or lack thereof) and go on that long awaited trip with your girlfriends. Need tips for a holiday? Write to me!
Frog Type 2 — “I believe in simple living & high thinking”
This type 2 species breeds in large numbers, though let’s cut them some slack. They have also fallen prey to the social upbringing and stereotypes that convince them that if a woman is looking at prospects for marriage, she is going to fleece them of all of their hard earned money. After all why do women look for a partner — to be able to collect all those Guccis and LVs!
So the ‘simple living & high thinking’ cliche is nothing but a mere self defense mechanism. All it means is that “please don’t think I will let you burn my money on the LVs but hey, I am not a boring stuck in the mud sort of guy, because you see, in my mind I am very evolved”. Tra la la la la…
Complete lack of trust, sensitivity and an extremely messed up 20 centuries old attitude that needs to be and must be avoided. You don’t need a holiday after this one — just share the script with a stand up comedian.
Frog Type 3: The one who really doesn’t want to pay but feels pressured to pay because he is ‘the man’
Yet another fallout of the social stereotypes. As much as I insist on picking up the tab, I don’t like to hear ‘oh I think you should pay because it will make you feel better’. No dummy, I would want to pay because I don’t take it for granted that the man has to pay, whether it is a first date or not. Can it not be that simple?
Honestly, these never get to the stage of one having to dump them. Typically if at the end of a coffee/lunch/dinner meet, if things are still as awkward as who has to pay the bill, then there is little chance you will want to meet him again. Trust me on this one.
Frog Type 4: The one who came back to India so that he could take home cooked food to work
Of course the food in question is expected to be made by none other than his future wife. Believe it or not — this one’s for real too. Try asking him if he is looking for a maid, a chef or a wife, but I think it will be all lost on him. Waste of time.
This type 4 along with the sub types 4a — ‘if we get married you will have to wake up at 5:00 am’ or 4b: ‘if we get married you will have to eat non veg only outside the house’ or 4c: ‘if we get married you will have to adjust your work timings’ gets a little more obnoxious as you haven’t even met in person yet. Over the first phone conversation, they want to lay down the rules and tell their prospective partner how they are going to tie you down to match their beliefs.
This unfortunately is not funny because we see a number of cases where it has become a bitter reality and is the reason for so many troubled relationships. Dump this type or not is really your personal choice, but being aware of what you are getting into is very important. These might be a few small signs of something ghastly later. And we all want to avoid unhealthy relationships, don’t we?
Frog Type 5: The one who will not commit but will publicly ‘mark his territory’
In short — a loser. Deep insecurity and the need to tell the world that he is and can be responsible for a woman’s decisions. No sir, I decide for myself whom I can talk to at a party without you snooping down from nowhere to tell them I busy. You can mark your territory for sure, but I am not anyone’s property. Period.
The list can be long and as of now doesn’t cover the ones who think women get charmed if they croon bollywood dialogues like ‘mujhse dosti karoge’, no less, or if they lie (sic) about them staying alone / independently but in reality their parents stay with them (not sure how that ever became a problem) or feel the urge to correct your language and diction all the time to put you down or even portray how infinitely cool they are because they have interests in theater, photography, writing, biking, cooking, singing, travelling, bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving etc (phew!) but you scratch the surface and all you find is hollow. Nothing. Nothing at all.
Surely, no one is perfect. Nor am I — far from it. But these are all tell tale signs that one needs to talk about and recognize as early as possible for their own benefit. Sure we all make mistakes and we learn from those. Learn what we cannot live with, so we know what we cannot live without.
More importantly, learn to scratch the surface and go beyond the uber cool factor. Those who are not spending time doing any of the above or are not busy living a false image of themselves (that they imagine is what the world wants) are in most cases the ones living their lives in the most interesting manner. They might be present quietly round some corner, only if you could hear them beyond the croaks of the frogs.
Because gone are the days (or books) when frogs turned into a prince by a simple kiss. Learn to identify what makes someone not a frog and that is a good place to start.
Meanwhile, find yourself first. They will find you for sure.
If he also finds your unshaven legs fuzzy, he is for keeps. Don’t let go of him. Ever.
Have an experience to share? Leave a comment or write to me at swati@footloosetales.com
Till then happy hunting!