Don’t waste your life
Don’t waste your life fighting for someone who won’t even take the time out of their day to message you. Don’t waste your time trying to make someone want you when it’s obvious that they could care less. Do not waste one more day if your life trying to convince yourself that you are the one that’s not good enough when in fact, it is them who isn’t good enough for you.
If the only time they call you or ask you to be around is when they are broke or need something or because they don’t want to be alone, it is because they are using you. Letting you buy their time or attention with material things is not love and it is not a relationship. When they can go hours at a time and not bother to talk to you, let them go a few more. It may be hard to grasp this concept, as it has taken me a few months myself. But when you finally do, you will be free.
I had convinced myself that I had to fight for his love. That I had made the mistakes that were worse than his and that it was up to me to make up for it. I did all the talking. I made all of the effort. I spent my money on him. Buying him food, movies, drinks and even things in not proud to say I bought. And why? Because I thought that would fix our relationship. Because I thought that’s what I had to do. Only for him to tell me just five days later that it wasn’t going to work anymore. Only for him to tell me that he had been done for a while now and had only kept me around as to not hurt me. And that he kept me around selfishly so that no one else could have me.
I’ve spent the last 6 days beating myself up. Why me? Why am I not good enough? Why would he just give up and not think I’m worth fighting for? He goes hours without messaging me. Even when he does, it’s not like it used to be. When I express my feelings of hurt or anger, I simply get an “I’m sorry”. But is he? He can’t be. He’s the one who made this decision. Why am I not worth fighting for???
And then it hits me…I am worth fighting for. I am worth fighting for myself. I have to fight for me. I have to fight to get out from under this. To not sit around and wait for him. To not cry over him every day. To not beat myself up. He is the one who is losing something. He is the one who will regret this one day.
And when he finally comes to the realization that he lost the best woman he will ever have, it will be too late. I will love myself far too much to ever let myself fall into that again. And he will search for me in every person he sees, but he will never find something like me again. But I will always have me. I will be the winner in this.