16 — Introduction

I never write as often as I should. If you were to glance within my journal, you would immediately notice the months upon months of intervals where I did not write. I have carried this journal for over a year now and I have less than twenty entries.

I created this account with hope that it would inspire me, or allow me to be more inclined, to just write. I have always been connected to technology by one way or another, which means this may suite me better and that there’s a higher chance of me sticking to it — to improving.

Writing is something that all my English teachers told me I was good at but I never believed them. I didn't like writing, or even literature to add onto that, until I was in 7th grade. I’m in 10th grade now.

What started the spark was during a time I refer to myself as “The Dark Days”. It was a time in my life when my body would consume so much emotion that I would get to the point of throwing up, having insomnia and many more side effects because I had no solution upon relieving it. I had no friends to vent to, uncomfortable therapists, and no supporting figures in my family. (Besides my grandmother, but she lived in Oklahoma, and I lived in California.)But I believe what my largest boundary was not necessarily the lack of compassion in my life — it was more of the lack of even understanding why I was the way I was.

And that’s why I started writing.

When I began to write during The Dark Days, it was much different from how I write nowadays. I would take a small, five-inch, spiral notebook, and jot down whatever I needed to. They would be small, blunt statements. “I am ugly.” “I hate my grandmother.” “I am a mistake.” Yes, they were extremely dramatic and often suicidal or hateful, but that’s how I was feeling. And as long as I was able to please the angry voice inside my head, it was what I had to do.

It was not until later when I realized who that voice was.