I’ll never forget the words the psychologist at NIMHANS sternly said to me on my first check up, “Why did it take you so long to come?” I was dumbfounded. There was no answer. Things had not been okay for, well, a long, long time and I had tried every trick in the self-help manual to “fix” myself. Everything worked, but only for a short time and then i was back my “normal” self. The signs were there all along, I knew if I had to live that way for five years, I would prefer to die.
The biggest misconception about depression perhaps is that it’s ‘sadness’. Nope. It’s not a mood, it’s an illness. It hits you mentally and physically and takes away every last shred of your will to live if you give it enough time. Sadly, the lack of awareness and education around mental health is so low and the stigma so high, that we self medicate and numb ourselves with binge-eating, dopamine rushes, social media, mindless scrolling, that by the time we seek help, the illness has seeped in deep and taken roots.
My first diagnosis was Dysthymia, depression for two years or longer. So I had successfully been depressed for a long enough time for me or people around me to notice something was off, but no one, including me was able to do anything. This would later lead to multiple diagnosis of undetected neurodivergence, but why did we not identify it sooner? Why did I suffer for so long?
Well, here’s a depression scale for your loved ones and you to identify the signs- it’s not hidden if you know what to look for.
(A few points to note: levels do not mean they come one after another, you may directly have Level 6 depression. The below just serve to help identify how severe the depression is. The medical scales are often complex and may not be available in your immediate field of knowledge, jotting down a more relatable list basis my own experiences.)
Level 1- Bliss (with regular sadness)
There are regular bouts of sadness and mood swings due to normal triggers but nothing persistent or long-lasting without explanation.
(People often tell me they don’t know so much about mental health, and they don’t realize that it’s a privilege. People don’t study unless they are suffering as much.)
Level 2- Minor moments of discomfort now and then- resolved by speaking to family and friends
My first counsellor said “friends and family are the first line of therapy”. They are, indeed. And talking to them, opening up, sharing your issues, laughing about them could take you a long way ahead in your mental health.
(Note: it’s not necessary that this alone will prevent depression, it’s an illness that can happen to anyone, even with great family and friends, but having a support system makes any disease and life, easy in general)
Level -3 Losing interest in mundane life, constant fatigue, mood fluctuations
If you are losing interest in regular things, and overall feel tired by things that did not tire you earlier, and you are a healthy person, it could be a tell-tale sign. Watch out and monitor how long this lasts and if it goes away on it’s own. Taking a break to rejuvenate would be a good idea as well.
Level 4- Regular body pain, irritation, general feeling of overwhelm,general gloom
At this stage, the monster is under the bed, but you know, something is off. It’s not the same as before, but you can’t put a finger at what exactly is wrong.
Level 5- Slow and painful body movements, difficulty in doing everyday tasks, bouts of crying and sadness, intrusive thoughts,
These are all big red flags for your mental health. Taking help from a professional is important to understand what is happening. The longer this lasts, the higher are the chances of isolation, because no one understands what’s happening with you anymore. You cannot shake the despair off, it follows you everywhere.
Level 6- Self harm and Suicidal Ideation
It will always escape my understanding as to why something that could potentially kill you is often ignored and swept under the rug because of the stigma it carries. People who self-harm often do it to distract themselves from the in describable mental pain. It helps bring the pain to one concentrated point.. nothing i could write would ever explain how horrific the state of mind is for a person.
I often tell people they wouldn’t last an hour in my brain- I mean it.
(The above views are derived from personal experiences and I have no medical or advisory experience. Please consult a medical professional and consult them before making any conclusion.)
