Is there a God (draft 3)

When I was young, I believed in God because I was forced to. Coming from an Indian culture, reputation meant everything and one attribute was believing in God. Obviously I went to church but did I absorb anything when I went? No! I usually dozed off or was thinking what one of my friends would be doing while I am at church. A wild mind really. Although when I was in need of something, for example getting good marks, my go to solution would be church or praying to God. Most of the time nothing would change regardless if I went to Church or not. If something did happen, I would base it on luck.

When I was seventeen, I flew away from my parents wings and came to Lakehead. Life was rather difficult, getting into drama, having to deal everything on my own since I hardly depended on people. But moving to Lakehead was a complete new experience, I did not have my parents telling me what to do which in a way was good but the negative outweighed it. I hardly went to church; my excuse being “the buses are way too complicated”. I saw my marks dropping, but in the back of my mind I kept on saying, “No, Swetha, you can study hard, your marks don’t have to do with God”. I thought I could keep but later realised I was utterly wrong.

May rolled in, at this time I was in Brunei, my home town. That was the day I was getting my marks, and since marks are all that really mattered to my Dad he had been bugging me before. I knew they were not the best marks so to cover it up, I told him I would be getting it in July. By this time I would have been in India, therefore I wouldn’t have to have a serious conversation with my parents.

Each time I thought of my marks, it would make my stomach churn. I knew they were too bad and I would have to face a serious consequence. I saw my marks, and I did not make the average; I was technically kicked out of Lakehead University. Thankfully the University gave me a chance to write a probation letter telling them where I went wrong and why I couldn’t make my average. I thought about the situation each day, how to explain it to my Father if they did not accept me, and what would be further steps. July 15th was judgement day. From the moment I found out till July 15th, there was not a day that I did not pray and ask for forgiveness. My parents could clearly tell there was something wrong, but I always faked a smile and told them there was absolutely nothing. They would have been stressed otherwise. July 15th crawled in, and Lakehead said they will give me one more chance. That was when I knew, God really does exist and miracles do happen.

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