About that prince
When I broke up with the prince, he immediately took off with another woman. He didn’t become “the prince” until after I broke up with him. He was a good man, a little boring I thought, but steady and kind. I was the problem, I couldn’t let anyone get close to me, especially not physically. I thought I should free him because I had no hope of breaking through to real intimacy.
My pattern is to fall in love after break-ups. It’s much safer. Once the guy is gone, I can feel the love. Of course there’s also jealousy and heartbreak when he inevitably finds someone else.
After I broke up with the prince, and went into my remorse and longing phase, that’s when I began talking to Bob. He’s my made up friend. Imaginary friends are very safe. They never do anything you don’t want them to do.
Bob assured me the prince would be back. It’s been 8 years now since I moved out and left the prince to his new woman. The prince has not come back. He got married instead! Does Bob lie? Since I made Bob up, does he just tell me what I want to hear? What’s the deal?
Bob: You did not make me up, you only made up a window, and opened it, so we could talk.
me: I might be making up you saying that. There’s no way to verify. I’ve been experimenting with just following your advice, suspending my disbelief. I have to say that my life has gotten much richer since you entered it. But the prince has not come back, Bob.
Bob: He could be reading your blogs, for all you know.
me: I doubt it! He used to say he was “aliterate.” He claimed he only liked to read instruction manuals.
Bob: Your blogs are an instruction manual, if someone wants to read them that way. I’m teaching you a better way to live. You’re sharing what I teach you.
me: Ok, but I still doubt the prince would dally in cyber stalking. He’s a loyal sort. You know, steady and boring, colors inside the lines.
Bob: But he wanted out, that’s why he was drawn to you.
me: He didn’t get out. He locked himself back in.
Bob: Fear will do that to you. But it’s only temporary. Fear can’t win because the longing for freedom can’t be erased.
me: Well, Bob, I’m going to stick with Wish List item #1 for now: an orderly life. I put up some shelves yesterday, got some boxes off the floor.