Lisbon Lads

5 in 5 days


I’ve just had a urge to write, never done so in the past, at least not since my primary school age where every one of my stories would end with me defeating my nemesis in whatever shape or form and then happily skipping home with a Snicker bar in my hand. (That was my happy ending).

Moving on…i’ve just got back from a 5 day trip with the lads in Lisbon and felt compelled to write, I’m putting it down to the wholeheartedly glowing feedback I’ve churned out about my airbnb host on my iPhone via the airnb app which took me all of 5 minutes to write so here I am.

I haven’t a f*cking clue what to write and I am not sure anybody is going to read it and quite frankly I couldn’t give a flying f*ck but if it means that I can connect with my inner self in some way and whatever that means then so be it. (Just to back up, I just watched Reese Witherspoon in the Wild, it’s about one woman’s self discovery in the wild so am putting it down to that for this moment of inner self dysfunction).

So Lisbon, it’s a great city (this is already going to be like some shitty travellers tale about where was good to eat and visit), here’s some things I took away from the trip:

1: 7 Hills

Our airbnb host Sara, told me that Lisbon has 7 hills, which translates to: you’ll be walking your knackers off up some 45degree hills which I can tell you is a nightmare when you’re drunk or just trying to reach that destination you’ve starred on your Google offline maps that tells you it’s only a 5 minute walk yet doesn’t tell you that at the end of it you’ll probably be too shattered to take in the sight at the top of that hill.

1 of 100 hills we encountered

2: Natas

Portugal and Lisbon is famous for its Natas! A Nata is what I can only describe to some one who has never tried one as a Portuguese version of the English egg custard tart but on Speed! Speed because that lame piece of pastry us English call egg custard tarts needs to get a makeover and quick, we’ve been doing it all wrong folks. My dad thinks that dark bit on top of a Nata is Worcester sauce, as delicious as Worcester sauce sounds on top of egg custard it’s actually cinnamon and my dad is a chef but don’t worry he doesn’t use Worcester sauce in any of his ingredients…he’s Chinese so more likely Soy Sauce!

Natas, Natas, Natas from Pasteis de Belem

3: Superbock

Superbock is to Lisbonites as Guinness is to the Irish except that it’s probably going to be piped into every Lisbon household as the stuff is practically cheaper than water (no joke) 35p for a can of Superbock whereas I paid 1.80 euro for a bottle of water, it made more sense to be drunk than sober not that I could remember much!

Cheaper than water, Superbock!

4: Jose Avillez

Jose Avillez is a 2 star Michelin Chef from Portugal, he has literally taken over Lisbon with his flock of restaurants. We ate at 2 of his joints without actually knowing, one a pizzeria and the other a rather more ‘local Portuguese’ gaff! Jose reminds me of our very own favourite Jamie Oliver, a mini empire in his own town who isn’t shy on the olive oil, the only difference is that Jose been portugese is one handsome motherf*cker which most women would no doubt prefer to be the naked one!

Cod with explosive olives

5: LUX

Lux Fragil! Ah lux lux lux, the part owned nightclub of John Malkovich, the Hollywood superstar! We rocked up around 3am Sunday morning with high expectations and fuelled solely on superbock and mojitos and some of Jose Avillez exploding olives in us, determined to go hard or go home as the motto! Our fears were diminished once we strolled right in (we had heard mixed reviews from other tourist getting in but we didn’t class ourselves as tourist, we had google translate with us all this time so that practically made us locals, in our minds!) and danced the night away with robotic polar bears and smoking hedonistic Lisbonites to some banging techno. No idea how we managed to find our way back to the apartment but safe to say when we go hard, we go home!

Next up is a trip to Tokyo and Hong Kong accompanied by….the parents! Joy.

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