Mother : Soft and Strong Educator

Syafrizal Maludin
Aug 22, 2017 · 5 min read

It was morning breeze with soft wind that I felt to my face when my mom and I went to Bandung-Zoo (West Java Indonesia). The whistle of big trees and the beautiful sound of birds singing in my ear. She touched my shoulder and tapped my curly and red hair. It was the first time I realize I am with the one that I call Mama.

Teteh, that is Sundanese-call for big sister, held stainless steel bottle and food. We were going to the zoo. Bandung Zoo in 1970s was much different with its current condition, especially the number of visitor. At that time, we were able to do picnic with less disturbance from other visitors. The air was still good as well.

I am the only son of my parent. I love my Mama very much. She successfully build me from the naughtiest boy to become a researcher in public institution in Indonesia. Nobody was ever predict that I would reach the higher degree of education based on that back ground. I used to play with my little sister prior and in the exam week. I did not care that I had bad mark. Once, I came to Mama and said that I want to quit study, it was when I was a college student in Bali. She said : I only have you as the son that have not finish university-degree, your sisters had finish their law-degree, so what I want you do is to accomplish what you start”. It was the time that I begin to seriously study. It was the first time I come to library and hit the book from morning to dawn. It lead me to win Scholarship for my Master Degree in the University of Queensland, Australia and my PhD in Bogor Agricultural University (IPB).

Teaching gender equality

She used to say that as the only son in the family, its mean you are responsible to your sister. In patriarch pattern, the position of female are not as good as male. So if you treat your sister bad, they will do worse. But if you treat them good, they will look at you not to her.

She said that she teach both her daughter harder than she teach me because she does not expect them to be jobless which is not good in this patriarch world though old-male-counterpart objects his wife to work. Women should have pride and it should be achieved. One of her daughter is a Diplomat in the Foreign Minister of Republic of Indonesia and my big sister has good career in telecommunication carrier in Indonesia.

I used to have “morning call” that was the time when Mama and I talk about everything, from food to car, from dog to jasmine. That was the time when she re-tell career problem of her daughters. Then I realize that fairness is one of luxurious stuff for carrier women. Then sometimes I come to another wondering, why that when there was a woman led the organization, the condition of women in that organization is not getting better.

Teaching Islam

She is the daughter of a teacher in one of Islam-Hardliner community in West Java. She used to be able to recite Qur’an from Maghrib to Isya. When I was a carefree boy and like to clubbing all night long, she was reciting Qur’an from Magrib until I came home at dawn.

She told me that all she had to rely is to Allah. The “un-solved” problem facing me, she said, had been reported to Allah “so don’t play with your luck, it probably not with you all the way if you don’t change”. God almighty is most forgiving. This conversation make me understand that every individual has different background and experience. It might be bad or embarrassing, but when they change so those old times experience makes them wiser.

I used to be a street fighter. When I saw something not right that caused by people, I would have tears in my eyes holding my temper. So I preferred fight. Then, Mama only said that the person that you punch have a mother too or probably he has wife and children. You should find other way to show them wrong or probably it is none of your business. Even our Prophet Muhammad SAW, He used to give a clear and polite communication to his enemies before the war. So do you think you are stronger than him? It was the time when I always look down when someone crossover my limit of tolerance.

She loves dog too. Dog is a kind of impurity in our religion. Once we had old-vestibular-syndrome-dog, she hold in her praying mat while reciting Qur’an from Maghreb time. I asked whether God will listen to your pray. That when she said, God does not think like you do. He created this dog and now she is sick.

Teaching Universality

She was a student in Catholic High School and most of student were Indonesian Chinese. Since Mama was not have full support from her family to study, she was lucky to had friend name Liem. Her family paid Mama Tuition fee. Mama had administration support from Mr Made Brata, the Balinese-Hindu man at this school. Once she graduated and study at Bandung Technology University (ITB) she was still send money to Mama. So, Mama always remind us to treat well and fair to all human kind. She said that human is human and don’t separate them by religion, way of thinking and race.

Family First

She had not a very good life since she was born. Her father married to other woman and her Mom re-married to widower with 4 sons. Then she had to work as a family helper. She advise her children to put family above all. Your carrier will follow the happiness of your family as she said. Exclusive-advise for me is to dedicate only to one wife. Noble life will follow you as you love only your wife and her children.

Teaching Perseverance

After become unpaid-children-worker, she and her brother migrate to Jakarta. It was 1950s when they travel barefoot to Jatinegara Jakarta. Then she agree with Marvin Gaye sing “ aint no mountain high enough”. She said that hard way is for you to learn. You don’t have to be poor to understand poverty but you should learn. When you are successful with your life, you don’t have to learn how to sit in the first class.

Lost

She was born on 1940, so the Granny at her age like to talk a lot and repeatedly, give the same advice and share the same story. But I like writing. So I write some stories and advises.

Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss hit (SSHL) Mama on August 18, 2017. So what should I write. If I knew, I will have my laptop with her to talk all day long.

I bless the mother spirit. I thank God for creating mother.

)
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade