3 Chairs, 2 Perspectives, 1 Understanding
How 3 chairs can build greater understanding and empathy within us
The Conversation
This was an interesting concept that was brought up by my mentor during a conversation we were having on interview skills. My biggest dilemma was trying to adequately express my passion in the field of Human Resources (HR)to interviewers. It was a perplexing situation, for I did feel deeply for HR as a career but I just could not seem to communicate these feelings. Combing through textbook answers, online guides and peer advice did not seem to help, I was still missing something crucial, but what was it?
The Concept
“Have you ever done a three chairs exercise?”
If your reaction is something along the lines of “Excuse me, but did you say three chairs?”, then you are not alone. I definitely thought I misheard yet indeed she meant three chairs. Just what is a three chairs exercise, you ask? (I definitely did!) You can find a great explanation here but below is my abridged version.
The three chairs comprise the ‘my side’ chair, ‘their side’ chair and the ‘outside’ chair. It is highly recommended that you take notes during this exercise for review.
My Side Chair = Take whatever situation, context or issue that you have and note down what you want to express, your feelings, emotions, apprehensions and other important factors
Their Side Chair = Now, imagine yourself to be in another chair, an opposing party, be it an interviewer, colleague or whosoever, and try to imagine what they would be thinking about the situation. Take down notes similar to the factors you have recorded for the My Side Chair.
Outside Chair = With both Side Chairs in hand, it is now time to be in the Outside Chair, analysing the situation or circumstance holistically from both points of view. You would be surprised at what a bit of imaginative introspection and retrospection would do!
The Results
After the exercise, what I realised was that I sounded completely dispassionate and inauthentic in the way I have been responding to this interview question. It took an imaginative process, understanding both my own view point and the one of the interviewer, plus ‘outside’ analysis to come to this conclusion. The process empowers you to dissect and resolve issues that you always could have, just that you were not aware of it till that point. To say it was enlightening is an understatement, that such a powerful technique was only recently made known to me was a true bombshell.
The Application
With this concept in mind, how then can we apply it to different areas of our lives? From my personal experiences, I believe that this could be a powerful tool in developing greater empathy, understanding and competence. For example, I have avoided many an argument or disagreement by using this tool before confrontations. Being able to holistically analyse a situation from various viewpoints allows us to make more informed decisions, improve internal processes as well as develop mitigation strategies for potential issues.
Of course, this is not a foolproof tool and only gets better with practice, so my challenge to you, the reader, is to analyse troubling situations using the three chairs exercise and let the results speak for themselves!