The Unseen Wounds
Why you should always be mindful of how you interact with others
In our day to day interactions, we may feel that our words or actions do not have lasting effects on those around us. We judge this based on their words and non-verbal feedback that we receive in response. However, what we tend to overlook is that there are unseen internal interactions and processes ongoing within the individual or group of individuals that would tell us otherwise.
Our interactions can have lasting repercussions on others. Can you recall a moment when someone said something hurtful to you before that still bothers you to some extent today? While we learn to be less affected by such interactions, the matter stands that to some degree, we have been ‘wounded’ internally and that wound takes more than just time to heal.
This is exacerbated by the fact that these ‘wounds’ are unseen, cutting us emotionally, mentally, or spiritually on a level that is much more difficult for others to perceive than if it had been a physical altercation. Left unchecked, and to deteriorate over time, these ‘wounds’ fester to become powerful negative burdens upon ourselves that bring us down to lower points of our lives.
A Personal Anecdote
“You’re really ugly.”
~ Some girl, to me, circa 2010
To cite a personal example, the above quote happened about ten years ago. I still remember it and yes, it still stings that some random person took the time and effort to come up to me just to say that. It was completely unexpected and random but the impact was definitely felt. Have you been in a similar situation, where a negative comment has stuck with you throughout the years?
Thinking through this experience, there are measures that all parties can take to alleviate the effects of these unseen wounds. This requires the ‘wounded’ to learn to let go or rationalize these issues and for everyone to be mindful of the ‘hidden blades’ they hold.
To The Wounded
At one point or another, we have been the wounded, the ones who have experienced the intangible hurt unseen. After observing my own as well as others’ experiences in dealing with these ‘wounds’, we tend to fall into three categories: ‘Banks’, ‘Transients’, and ‘Rationalists’.
The idea of the ‘Banks’ and ‘Transients’ was covered quite well in the story of Tanzan and Ekido that you can watch for yourself here.
To summarise the ideas here, a ‘Bank’ is someone who has difficulty in letting go of these unseen wounds, which accumulate and weigh down on them, often with ‘interest’ over the years. They find it difficult to come to terms with and overcome these issues which are bothering them. I am a ‘Bank’ and I can personally attest that it is an unpleasant experience that grinds away at you on the inside over time.
‘Transients’, on the other hand, have learned the art of letting go. They have allowed themselves to become resistant to the effects of negativity by allowing it to pass through them. While seemingly a simple task to do, simple does not mean easy. It takes powerful confidence in oneself and the ability to comprehend the transience of these actions for one to truly be a transient.
The ‘Rationalists’ are the final type of ‘wounded’ I have observed and are those who have been previously affected by these actions. The difference between them and the ‘Banks’ is that they have been able to rationalize and overcome these issues to varying degrees over time. Much like the ‘Transients’, they have allowed themselves the capacity and self-confidence to mitigate the impact of negative actions towards themselves.
From these descriptions, it is evident that we do not want ourselves or others to fall into the category of being a ‘Bank’. Do you know of anyone who is holding on painfully to negative events in their past? I implore everyone to reach out to these individuals and assist them in transitioning to another state, such as the ‘Rationalist’.
I would like to take this moment to thank the people around me who have helped in rationalizing and overcoming some of the more difficult times in my past, it has made all the difference in my life.
By helping out someone you may not make a difference in the world, but you will be making a world of a difference for someone.
To Everyone
With the understanding of how deeply we can ‘cut’ others without knowing it, what do you think we can do to alleviate this?
Everyone can play their part in alleviating the situation of the unseen ‘wounds’ and the first step is to recognize the hidden blades you hold. Our words, actions, and deeds have a powerful impact on those around us. I recall from an online video that there are no neutral interactions, we leave people either a bit better or worse off after our interactions. We need to recognize the impact of our actions on others to develop strategies that prevent unnecessary pain.
At times, pain is necessary depending on the situation, and being left worse off is unavoidable, but what we need to learn to do is to do so without excess. To be able to convey our expressions meaningfully and concisely to spur change is a skill in itself.
The most common method of interaction is communication through speaking with others. It is important for us to be mindful of what we say, and how we say it to avoid unnecessarily hurting others. The Toastmasters World 2015 Champion has an impactful speech on ‘The Power of Words’, which you can watch here. This is but one way in which we can be more mindful in our daily interactions to avert unneeded pain onto others.
The key here is to first understand how you affect others and then build on that to develop mindfulness in your daily interactions.
Moving Forward
The Golden Rule posits to, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. This is a powerful idea that binds this piece together. Do you want others to ‘cut’ into you and leave these unseen ‘wounds’?
Everyone can play a part in alleviating the situation. Be it the ‘wounded’ who can take the steps towards recovery or everyone in general who can develop the mindfulness to reduce the occurrences of negative interactions. The insidious nature of these wounds, being intangible, unseen, and difficult to notice (at times, even to the wounded themselves!) can be highly self-destructive. We can all do our bit to push toward a more positive world.
“Kindness is a gift anyone can afford.”
~ Anonymous