Things I Have Done With $18 In My Bank Account

  1. Used my mom’s Amazon and took her free trial of HBO so I could binge watch Girls. I hope desperately they do not start auto-charging after 7 days, but we live in a capitalist society so probably.
  2. Threatened to cancel my gym membership so they would give me months for free.
  3. Dipped into my rent to pay my phone bill.
  4. Bought travel sized deodorant because I was too scared of being rejected at the register to buy a full one.
  5. Wondered how anyone has had a child and kept it alive longer than a week.
  6. Bought my boyfriend’s friend a drink because I desperately wanted her to like me, all while having a miniature crisis.
  7. Bought a giant tub of coconut oil and have forsaken all other skin and hair regimen for the week since my normal face wash costs more than the amount of money I have to my name right now.
  8. Ate a can of tuna for dinner with some kale that technically expired yesterday.
  9. Reveled in how this would be a quirky montage in a movie, but in real life is not cute.
  10. Wondered how this happened, and then remembered I spent nearly all my money on cabs the weekend my two best friends were in town.
  11. Cooked spaghetti but in a tiny soup pot rather than a spaghetti pot.
  12. Returned a pair of jeans I bought a month ago, only to be reminded that Forever 21 only gives store credit.
  13. Bought a $5 cup of coffee, felt guilty about it for 3 hours, only to go buy another $5 cup of coffee at 3:00 pm because my work friends were going and I didn’t want to feel left out.
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