It is a dilemma but when one is used to abuse in relationships it is more than likely to attract another version of the same into your life.
But for me it was also a huge wake up call to change my feelings about my self on the inside that meant I was an easy victim to this kind of abuse. It literally turned my own life around and finally allowed me to heal from my own abusive childhood.
Having started to wake up and stand up for myself, i then met someone wonderful and have been very happily married for nearly 20 yrs now. It was the abuse that helped me to put it all behind me and learn to love myself, something that had been profoundly denied me during childhood too.
That is the basis behind y writing here on medium, travelling the alphabet, to show how subtly or not abuse builds up in layers in a life, drowning it beyond being able to truly live until it all breaks apart and finally put it all into perspective. SO I do not regret that relationship; it was my crisis, my turning point, my catalyst for waking up to my life as it has been and instead making it what it is now, deep and rich and full of love and something that I value and am deeply appreciative for, which I could easily enough have taken for granted if I had not known what came before.
So yes we do need to speak out about our histories but perhaps we also need to have those relationships to help us to wake up to our own personal value. But I do think that we also need a much stronger system of restraint for those abusers who go too far and a much more open dialogue about how it happens and what to do if you recognise this is also your story.
The best thing that ever happened to me was that as I wrote about the impact of abusive childhoods leading to abusive adult relationship in one of my books, as student of childcare had read my book as an additional reading activity and it had helped her to wake up to her abusive adult relationship and end it. I felt i had done my best.
What ever we do, this relationship between childhood abuse, and lack of full self respect being developed, and how it leads to damaged adulthoods, needs to be fully discussed and made open and recognised so that these cycles are ended. That is my dream and hope for one day. we need to keep talking about it on all levels and fora.
yours is sisterhood