Triggered is a word that describes being locked back into an old physical state of trauma, not being unhappy. It is a darkness that surrounds you that locks you in but is not depression, because you can feel beyond depression when you are triggered but you cannot reach it. It is a word that describes being instantly shoved back into a traumatised frozen state of emotional lockdown. There is a world of difference between unhappiness, depression and being triggered. Triggering is when the amygdala takes over completely and imprisons you in its own protective cloth but at the same times keeps you prisoner, it is being frozen and blacked out, cut off from the world that traumatised you, from all of it. But in being protected you are also cut off from love and compassion and your own mind and feelings, it is all frozen. If you can write this then you are not triggered, you are suffering, for which I have great compassion, but triggering is something completely different. Promise. Read my account of hell realms. xx
Good words though, an exploration of why you feel like this is always useful as a way of moving out of it. But getting stuck in negative thoughts patterns is hard to shift but that still comes from the conscious mind and the remedy is to reframe it all. The experience is horrific I understand that but the journey since then, the outcomes where you have turned suffering into joy and struggle into courage and strength, celebrating these turns a bad thing into a positive and takes the barbs right out of it all. It allows you to be more compassionate to others who are struggling and have known deep trauma and pain. Being a stiff upper lip pull yourself together is never the way to get over suffering, it just buries it and one day it will need to be released, but by transforming your experience and the outcomes of it you can become softer gentler and less judgmental. I think this is what is happening to you right now — from your words — and through this you will heal deeply and become a better person as a result of your experiences, you will look back on them and be grateful for what they showed and taught you instead of angry confused and taken by surprise. This will take time but you can start that process any time you choose.