Standing amongst thousands of people in one of the greatest cities on this planet felt more than a little off. I dont know why I did that, but I stopped in the middle of Brooklyn Bridge on a Friday night — around 10 pm — 5 thousand miles away from home. For days, I went with the ride, followed the flow, like in a river. I dint do much, except experiencing what it was like to reschedule nearly every meeting because my appointments couldn’t keep up with their promises. The routine was simple. A Bagel in the morning, along with a coffee — and hours of waiting. I made the mistake of planning too much. There was no room to do something else except wasting every goddamn minute! So, as I stood up there over the water, the person behind me couldn’t stop as quickly as I did. She ran into me, pulling her back from chitchatting on her phone into the real world. She wasn’t happy about that — telling me in some explicit words. I wont repeat them — but she made it very clear that its nothing you do — just stop.

I went from Manhattan back to Brooklyn, and I could feel the cold wind that was blocked through the skyscrapers. I got chills — from the temperature drop I thought. But something else was there, and I didn’t mean the potheads walking by or the bikers almost hitting me or the rest of the anonymous stream.

I thought about the time I spent here in the city — 7 days so far. Right when I left the plane for the first time, heading to the subway and exiting downtown, it felt like the sickest energy boost ever. I didn’t experience something like that thus far. It should last for four days. But as they say — the higher you fly, the harder you fall. And on that night — on that bridge, I experienced it deeply. I felt exhausted, empty — every ounce of energy stripped away. With no one to call, no task accomplished I felt failure, the most intense way so far. Thats what made me feel lonely. I don’t know how long I stood there. For a couple of hours I guess, because I had nothing waiting for me but an empty, rented studio apartment. I wouldn’t feel different there. I didn’t make any sense to move.