Chapter Six — the lack of courage to go all in! Part 2
I hate the fact that I do way to less to pursue the end goal and too much short term stuff that will keep me happy or make me feel good for a while — but is also full of swings — up and down — up and down — up and down. The choice to go on that path often is a rational decision, because reaching for a goal thats far away seems to be hard — very hard compared to the one right in front of us which is not only on the todo list on paper but visually right in front of us. Most of the time, its little effort to reach that goal — mostly a day or a week of work.
Its hard to admit — but just until last year I was chasing to make a living — not to live. Therefore, I was chasing currency. Cash. Cold hard cash. The problem with that is — cash doesn’t give a shit about you. Cash has no value without another thing — an idea or a need or a desire to spend it on. So, in itself — cash is worthless. But, I didn’t need too much courage to make a living, so I just went with it. As a workhorse, you dont have to think that much. 9–5 — weekends off — 30 day vacation a year. done!
Of course the dream I try to pursue to was already there back then, but it was easier to chicken out like a little bitch. Why did I think I needed that? It was a simple equasion: Earn more money to busy more shit I dont need in the first place! But — I want it because I feel good buying it.
That is so stupid that I had to laugh out loud right this second. Dont get me wrong. I am a serious entrepreneur! I like making money, even if thats not the main outcome of my working process now. Its one of the goals of course, for no other reason but to enable more growth or trying new ideas that will always be thought bigger than just myself.
But friends, isn’t it the moments with your friends you remember — when you succeed and have the time of your life. The moment you can make someone you care about happy — not because of an expensive gift — but because you thought of them. Isn’t it the good food and wine you enjoy — not because its expensive — but because you like it?
And doesn’t it feel fucked not to have the possibilities because you are lazy and like the things that are the same for years not to change because it might be a little risky and you have sooooooo much responsiilities?
YES — IT SUCKS! I HATE THAT!
It was a HUGE step to really recognize that the only thing I did for so long was to work in a job I hated. And I did that because I lacked the courage to change anything!
Its an even bigger step to set the route to change because most of the time there is no way back. People that are close to you will judge your progress and will either talk to you about it right in your face or behind you back to other friends. Deep down you know that because you heart your friends doing that and because you remember joining the conversation a couple of times. You will hear stuff like ‚ Guys, do you think he/she has some midlife crisis? I mean, things are nice and he/she seemed happy all the time.‘ or ‚I think he/she isn’t okay. Should we talk to him/her?‘
And you have to prepare yourself that there are always to sides — one in the sun and one in the shadow. And believe me — its gonna be dark for a loooooooong time like north pole in winter. You have to be persistent! I thought about how it would feel going to the rough without seeing the horizon at the end. Believe me when I tell you, you will eventually enjoy the hard work. You will enjoy the setbacks and the missteps. Because they let you appreciate the sweet spots even more.
So, how did I make the change from being a pussy to going for it — no matter what it takes?
I took a deep breath, looked in the mirror and told myself to take all the self made restrictions that had hold me back and shove it down the trash! Its time to put legacy first. In 50 years, every single one of us will have a story to tell. Make it a good one!
When you think about that story — you will see that money will become a mere triviality. Moments will succeed. And so will you!