MIND-BODY CONVERSATIONS AND HOW TO INFLUENCE YOUR STATE
I would like to present a simple theory that can allow you to influence your feelings and emotions in a variety of different situations, situations where you might want to be in a better “state”. Many psychologists agree that trying to control an emotion can often prove costly, as you wind up further reinforcing the effects of said emotion. So then, this article is not about controlling your anger or controlling your anxiety, for control is not the aim: the aim is actually influencing your “state” without struggling against yourself.
With my background in Physics, I’m used to thinking that models and theories are just interpretations of reality, that they function or don’t, and that they simply serve us till we can find better models. The theory I present here will also be placed under the same scientific constraints: what I’m proposing then is a way of seeing things that can help us to manage our inner “state”, a skill that is especially useful when we need to perform to our best.
The tool to achieve this aim is managing the meanings and labels we put over events in order to influence how we perceive them, therefore our reactions to events.
Perception is what we must use to achieve this aim. We can use this to manage the meanings and labels we place on events, people, and the outside world as a whole, and through this “meaning-management” we can take control of how we react to every possible circumstance.
The Metaphor and our “pet”
Who among you have some animals at home? Well I certainly do: I have two cats and they are very sensitive to how I feel. The important words here are “how” and “feel”, because they can quantify how much happiness I’m feeling right now but they cannot grasp “why” I’m happy. Animals cannot see “why” we are worried or “why” we are nervous: probably if the pet-owner (usually their physical superior) is nervous then the animals are wondering whether some huge beast is going to jump inside our cave, but we all agree that they cannot understand “why” the discussion with our loved-one has affected us so much, or why we are stressing out over unpaid bills. Animals can see primal “why”s and we must assume that they cannot grasp the abstract meanings that we impose on events and circumstances.
And now for the useful part! Let’s assume that our body is like all other animals, like a pet. Can your body understand why you need to pass the exam in order to impress your parents? Can your bicep understand why you are so happy about the upcoming holidays? Can your stomach understand why you decided to eat this and not that or to wait perfectly 8pm to have dinner? Let’s assume that our body is like a pet and with this assumption let’s say that the body cannot comprehend our abstract meanings: the body can only understand how we feel about a circumstance and how we react to the meaning that we put over that circumstance.
Our body like our loved animals can see primal meanings like threats, sexual attraction, food and hungriness, energy levels and need of sleep, but it cannot see why we felt disrespected by that person we met today. What it can see is “hey the boss over there (our mind) is reacting badly to that guy, better be prepared to fight or flight”. However, it is blind to any conscious thought processes that may follow such as “how you consider yourself to be a good person and why that guy shouldn’t have offended you on this very delicate (for you) topic”. In this sense the body cannot interpret the complexities of the many situations we face in daily life. It takes the primal element, and that is what we feel.
The Master: The Mind, the pet’s owner
The Alpha is usually the most influential animal in the group and I hope that most of the pet’s owners are alphas otherwise… what a mess! Let’s assume that the body is the pet and the mind is the pet’s owner.
Now, let’s define what is “out of control” and what is “controllable”. We cannot directly control events and outcomes, both inside and outside of us, and we cannot control other people directly with our mind and if you don’t agree on this last point then I may have to give you a call one day to ask for the winning lottery numbers.
We cannot control events and people, but we can assert some level of influence over them. How? By controlling how we respond to events, outcomes and people. Meanings, labels and perceptions are under our control, and we can control these things pretty well: HOW you are interpreting affects your reactions to circumstances, but if we can control our interpretations of reality this means that we can influence our reactions indirectly. That’s why we cannot control events, but we can control our reactions to them and the tool is “meaning-management”.
Body’s native language
If you try to explain to your lovely dog that it cannot poop on your carpet using a well-planned, oratorically perfect verbal argument, it probably won’t work, right? That’s because there are much better ways to communicate with animals than with verbal cues. So when we see our body as a pet, now it’s clear why trying to control your anger with positive thinking for example is not the best way to go.
The animals can understand your feelings and emotions and your body acts in a similar way: it cannot see your meanings, but it understands perfectly how you are reacting and feeling. As the pets are influenced by the owner, they quickly adapt to the owner’s state and reactions over circumstances. They feel the master’s state.
How to influence your state
Let’s proceed to the solution with two easy steps.
The first step is awareness of the meanings you are actually putting over events and awareness of your reactions over those particular meanings, while at the same time remembering that our body is blind to them and only affected by our reactions to them.
The second step requires mental flexibility because it’s about changing or improving the meaning over the event. Not only the meaning, it’s also about changing your reactions over the meaning, something like “the meaning’s meaning”.
Then the body as a pet is going to re-adapt to your new reactions and these body-reactions are going to circle back to your mind as well with posture-changes, hormones, different breathing rhythms and so on. Here we are! We are now creating a new body-mind synergy that can be readily at your disposal, and that’s how we can regain freedom: not by forcing and fighting your actual feelings, but by influencing them in a smart way.
Now let’s proceed with one theoretical example in order to better understand how you can implement this theory in your daily life.
Social Anxiety
Imagine you are at party, and for whatever reason your friends have left you and you hardly know anyone there. You are feeling nervous and isolated, you fear that you’ll be alone all night, that you will be judged as anti-social, boring, and “uncool” We have all been in a situation like this, desperately wanting to sink into the couch and just cease to exist. How can we remedy this awful situation?
Step 1 — Be aware of how you are interpreting your current reality. You feel distant and out of place, these people are strangers.
Step 2 — Be aware that your body cannot understand the meaning behind this interpretation, all it can do is feel, in this case you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
Step 3 — Now this is an important step. Realise and understand that you are not married or physically attached to this first interpretation. You are free to choose, in fact you should, and you may choose the interpretation that suits you best.
Step 4 — Let’s change this interpretation. Okay they may be strangers but they could be interesting people, they could be future friends, we most likely have things in common. We are all here to have fun. How does this interpretation sit with you? Are you reacting well to it? Yes? Then great, take it and use it.
Step 5 — Act. Now you understand these strangers are just future friends, and that there really are not any heavy stakes at risk. You understand this and you are reacting positively to it. Your body will loosen up, and you can proceed to start up casual conversations without any of the stress and awkwardness that was created by that previous “negative” interpretation.
Step 6 — Be awesome!
Conclusion
Re-framing interpretations and perceptions of reality is a very powerful tool, but by no means is this a radically novel invention. What is new in the process above, however, is the assumption we have made about the body’s blindness over the meanings we perceive and the opportunity to use this blindness to our advantage when it comes to “meaning-management”, allowing us to be more flexible and detach ourselves from previously rigid points of view.
Experiment and play with these ideas and enjoy!