I am SO sorry to hear that you are not doing well, and that stress is so high. My wish to help, unfortunately, is limited to promising to pray for you, and offering some ideas that worked in my life, and may or may not work in yours.
Born in New York City, I understand the economic rat race you are caught up in if you want to stay close to home. My husband and I (30 years ago) escaped to the Midwest, to Madison, WI, where the cost of living is actually a reasonable one, and my husband does not have to kill himself, we live in a safe neighborhood, and I was actually able to quit my job and stay home to raise our kids. BIG stress relief, which we never regretted.
Another thing we realized was that overworking oneself reduces one’s efficiency and shoots one in the foot. So someone who works 16 hours per day at 50% efficiency (because of sleeplessness & stress) is no further ahead than the one who works 8 hours per day at 100% efficiency. You have to find your own best balance.
Finally, one thing I discovered is that talking to God makes a MAJOR difference. Even if you are not religious, your prayer can consist of “God, if you are there, let me realize that, and help me with my problems! I WISH I could believe in You!”
I’m sorry if I come across like I’m giving you advice, but for one thing, I am a mom and a grandmom, who has children approximately your age, and one of my sons is a web developer and really nice guy, and you remind me of him. I really care for young people, whoever and wherever they are.
For another thing, my husband and I, approaching retirement after a lifetime of pressures & decisions, are actually very happy, feel blessed, live a comfortable (though not 1%-er) life, and like you, I wish all the good things I have for others.
May God bless you and lead you to solutions that only you can come up with, with God’s help. May your pressures and your challenges come to an end, and may you find a job that utilizes your obviously good talents. You also have a very good heart.
If all else fails, move to a more laid back affordable place, and with your qualifications, get a job that is done remotely. My son does that — the company he is web developer and tech manager for recently shut down their offices in Madison, which were no longer needed, and the entire staff, scattered across the US, works remotely (Ballotpedia).
Wishing you all the best,