how about we make a deal. I’ll manage my well-being: I will do my best to let my creativity flow, and I will also do whatever I can to manage my depression (I figured some things that might affect it. Not letting my creativity flow is one of the many). You, on your part, will take responsibility for putting it all together, for making some sense of what I end up doing. You see, dear Universe, I’ve been trying to do it myself, and I suck. After all these efforts, I still have no clue where I’m going and what am I doing with my life, and I begin to suspect that maybe I shouldn’t be having one. That maybe it’s not my job to know what am I doing. I begin to see that by worrying about it I might be standing in your way, and I’m deeply sorry if it is so.
So, I’ll let you do your job, Universe. I’m gonna let you figure out how and where do I fit in, while I concentrate on my side of things — on making sure that all my systems run smoothly. Like a follow in a partnered dance, I’ll work on my frame and on all the details that make me sense the lead’s movements, and enable me to react accordingly. Like a follow in a partnered dance, I won’t worry myself with what the lead has in mind; I’ll let you do the leading, Universe, because I truly enjoy the follower’s role, both on and off the dance floor. I’m going to concentrate my efforts on having that sensation that I made the most of what was presented to me today, and I won’t worry that it doesn’t seem to add up to any coherent narrative. I can lead on the dance floor, but I truly suck at it in real life. Time to turn my follow’s brain on even off the dance floor: mind like water*. Camera without a film*. Just make sure that the camera is working, and that there’s water to flow. Shall we dance, Universe?
*I heard these expressions from a friend who took private lessons from Jandi Kim and from Kevin St. Laurent. These might be their expressions.