Dolphin Riding 2017 sets base in Groningen
Groningen has been voted in yesterday at the general Dolphin Riders’ meeting as the host of the 100th edition of the world’s most popular race: Dolphin Riding.
“Groningen has been chosen by unanimous decision to host our fantastic tournament. Their canals covering most of the beautiful city have passed our testing fase and will serve for perhaps the best race ever”, W. R. Kittingslow, president of the Dolphing Riding association, stated at the press conference after the meeting.
Groningen has completely changed overnight after the shocking news. This morning 84% of the working class called in sick to go dolphin riding. At 8:00AM the canals were filled with riders and their dolphins.
“I’ll choose riding my dolphin over work any day. Life is about making the right choice and Dolphins simply are life”, B.J. Felipe, a local lad, explained to me.
The municipality’s answer to this chaos is to come up with a schedule so that every rider has a fair chance of practicing for the race.
There is one remarkable change in the rules for the race that will be held on the 25th of June 2017 in Groningen.
From this point on the position of the dolphin can also be filled in by a human being.
After a long conversation over Skype L.J. Dissborg, a veteran racer, confirmed that he will substitute his Dolphin, Butter Fingers, for M. Arsbar, a human friend from his study.
Arsbar has always felt that he was actually a Dolphin. “Five years ago I couldn’t ignore my inner Dolphin anymore. I’ve been living in the canals ever since and I know them like my backyard”, he states.
Arsbar is diagnosed at birth with “Dolphi nae nae”, a rare condition of having two fins instead of arms.
“Butter Fingers introduced him to me and we had a connection from the start. It just feels great to ride the canals on top of him,” says Dissborg.
Dissborg has won the race once in 2004 but looks more confident than ever since his team-up with Arsbar.
He will face strong competition in Scarlett Johansson (cover photo) who won the race 5 times in total.
Since Johansson only leaves her secret hiding spot for this particular event every year, she has refrained from commenting.
Her Dolphin, YoYo, has brought out one statement quoting his favorite artist:
“When we ride on our enemies, I bet you motherfuckers die”
Kittingslow, always geared up in full dolphin costume, ended his press conference by saying: “For now, it’s time to prepare Groningen for the race that will change the place.”